Sunday, July 8, 2018

Monkey in the Middle

I have not written a blog entry lately and am trying to fit one in tonight . I am tired. My summer days are busy and full and I do love every minute but time for reflection and time alone is at a premium these days. This morning as I hung out a line of clothes I found myself thinking that I hadn't worried about my Mom for while; a short while really but the thought caught me off guard. I am so concerned for my failing Mom , her well being and that of my Dad trying to care for her under their new circumstances.We are putting things in motion for a nursing home placement which may take a long or short time . It will be a big change and it is not something any of us would choose but life sometimes ( or always) makes choices for us. I strongly believe that we will embrace whatever lies ahead and as a family do the best with what we are given but my heart breaks with the changes. So to realize I'd not thought about it this morning made me think about the other things filling my thoughts. My two granddaughters fill our home and our summer days with love, laughter, activity and obligation. They consume my waking hours requiring lots of energy and attention.I had several things to do after hanging out the clothes, one of which was to go to the city and shop for my youngest grandchild's birthday present. We were over joyed to attend her fifth birthday party this afternoon and the house was bursting with fun and excitement, family and joy. What a gift to behold!So tonight I reflect my place in the middle. I am the daughter, the mother, the grandmother and I am thankful. I am also weary and sometimes overwhelmed.I sometimes am in disbelief that it is me in the middle when just a few short years ago , or so it seems I was the kid,the teenager, the newlywed, the young parent. But this is where today finds me and I celebrate it all. I look toward the uncertain future mourning the mother I still have but miss so deeply. I relish the ages and stages of my own children proudly taking in the adults they have become. I remember the twenty years I got to be Zac's Mom and shed tears for the future he lost. I embrace the ages and uniqueness of each of my five grandchildren.I accept my role of Monkey in the middle and after a good night's sleep I look forward to another day.

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