Sunday, September 11, 2016
Taking a Rainy Day Break
Calling it rain is a bit optimistic I guess but today so far is misty, foggy and cooler than its been. I am considering that weather as my reason to take a break and let the day be a breather. It has been a busy summer. We have had beautiful stretches of hot and sunny days filled with lots of activity. I had a dream filled night that had me wake up feeling completely drained. In the first few minutes I longed to give up , to stop holding on,to retreat to some faraway place where my mind could be turned off. Sounds scary and problematic but in reality I believe we all struggle with that . Where can we run to get away from whatever weight we carry? This is the challenge of living . I often repeat my mantra of "OK everyone, OK everybody" This inventory of the people I love is basically an inventory of my ability to handle the truth of the fact I have absolutely no control over much of anything. On this 15th anniversary of 911 when we in western society got that cruel wake up call, I choose to admit to that helplessness. But as I accept this truth I will also fight my way back to the place that sees me keeping on. How easy it can be to get bogged down with what's wrong in our lives. There are days when the imperfections and flaws , the disappointments and fear looms large. Gratitude is my first defense but I sometimes have to force my way out of the darkness of feeling sorry for myself and into the light of my blessings. But sometimes I'm just tired. I don't want to juggle it all and I just want to take a break. Today will be one of those days . I will however in the midst of whatever this day turns out to be, gaze for a minute on the long wall of sunny blossoms and know I dropped those seeds. Today, that is enough.