Zoom , zoom, zoom

 I am basking in the afterglow of last night. Launches are always a nerve racking jumble of activity, bustle and preparation. My wonderful community of family, friends and neighbors have for eight previous launches supported and embraced my efforts. I have so many wonderful memories from the first eight launches. Arriving at the Farmer's market to see an already full parking lot, chocolate chip cookies from Glenda, wonderful introductions, Saint John String Quartet, ice cream sundaes, butter tarts, Oh my God Monkey you look amazing, music played by Robbie and Calvin. So many  treasured  memories. Last night was no exception. In this time of Covid we had an online Zoom event and that itself brought a fair amount of anxiety. I asked my friend and fellow author Gerard Collins to interview me after seeing at Gerard's launch of The Hush Sisters what a nice addition to a launch  it was when Beth Powning so thoughtfully interviewed him. Gerard was wonderful. He asked thought provoking and deeply intuitive questions and in the first few minutes I felt right at ease and had stopped  seeing my face and flaws staring back at me. Friends, family and neighbors showed up and filled the screen in their little boxes. It was wonderful. My publisher Terrilee Bulger introduced me and offered encouragement and support throughout. Acorn's Genevieve Loughlin engineered the evening and made things run smoothly. I was thrilled with the chance to read and respond which of course has always been the joy of every launch. My office was the venue but the reach was vast; Vancouver, Saskatchewan, Montreal, Newfoundland, Halifax, Lunenburg, Fredericton, Lower Coverdale , Grand Lake, Campobello Island ,Hampton, just a few of the places from which people arrived. No one had to travel too far from home to show up and make this author feel supported and encouraged to keep doing what she does. Thank you!

Still Plodding Through November

 I wrote my last entry on November 2nd when the month was barely through the gate.  Yesterday my blog coach gently nudged me to write an entry but I was working to finish up the first round of edits for Skyward  that I'd given myself two weeks to complete. I was able to finish and send the edits back yesterday afternoon, three days before schedule. I am pleased with my efforts. I so appreciate the work my editor does to make me a better writer. The challenges she gave me seemed a bit overwhelming initially but as she stated in her notes I did already know the answers to all her queries when I dug a little deeper. The key is of course to make sure the reader knows it all, in good time , in a carefully crafted and deliberate way. I love that side of editing and am so glad for the care and attention my editor gives my work. When I thank Penelope Jackson in my acknowledgments please understand just how much I have to thank her for. Now on to round two and getting closer to the finish line and the actual book. So November continues. Today is a beautiful, sunny ,crisp day. I just had a Zoom practice call with author Gerard Collins and Acorn publicist Genevieve Loughlin. Oh boy technology is fun. Who doesn't love seeing their own face constantly on the screen? I am going to try to get over my self loathing as I engage in tomorrow night's Zoom launch of When the Hill Came Down. Gerard is going to interview me and I look forward to that. Yesterday I had an amazing wood road walk even though it was wet and muddy. It culminated in the sighting of a beautiful vibrant rainbow visible just as I began my descent . I took the time to take its beauty in and appreciate the gift spreading across the sky. What better way to celebrate having just completed the beginning edits on my novel entitled Skyward. Even in this bleak November remember to look to the sky, take in and be grateful for all the blessings, all the challenges and  all the gifts this life has to offer. 

Weary, Wonderful November

I am in my office this morning. A part of me would rather have headed back to bed , covered up and slept the morning away. I do feel weary. A good weary though. Weary with well doing. Maybe. I have been doing. Yesterday the day was spent in my pantry . Baked beans, Brown bread rolls and a large pot of aromatic, thick and deep yellow mustard pickles. Nine people sat at our table and enjoyed a Sunday supper meal while the November sky darkened early and the  rain fell and the wind blew outside. The leaves have pretty much all fallen to the ground. On yesterday's wood road walk a thick and colorful cover was the path beneath my feet. I felt the cooler air and the feel of November. I love the familiar feel of November. Thirty years ago I was awaiting the birth of my fourth child. November always brings the sadness and poignancy of Remembrance Day , a day of importance in a family with military connection and service. I feel the promise of first snow and deepening cold. I feel the comfort of wood heat and comfort food. I feel the tug of Christmas. Meg , Cody and the girls will move in with us for the month of December and I have told the girls we will begin trimming for Christmas on December first. What a different and wonderful December this will be. In my weariness I must remind myself to be truly thankful for the extra mouths I get to feed. A season of our lives to be savored and enjoyed . This morning I told Burton how weary I was and that I would like to go back in time. First I said 1985, than 1971, and then 1963. 1985, a new baby , 1971, Grade nine,1963 assassination of JFK. Each November ,each year and season brought challenges, difficulties, joys and sorrows of it's own. Weariness and wonder. Another year, another November, another stage and chapter in my life. 

RIP Richard

 I sadly acknowledge the passing of Richard Vaughan and extend my condolences to his family, friends, colleagues, readers , the city of Fredericton, the UNB community and to each and every one of us. His passing has taken something from us all. Every person who searched for him, prayed for him , heard updates on his disappearance, each first responder and whoever found his body have been impacted by his loss. One man's influence and the reach of his words , his passions, his life has a sad and tragic ending. He is no more in a physical sense and many will mourn. We all should mourn a life too soon over . I did not know Richard but it is a smiling photo that I see in my mind's eye as I write this. His work will live on. And the rest of us carry on . For now we are given another day. This day , a Sunday in late October which offers us gifts for the taking. Of course into this day we carry concerns and heartaches but the day is ours to do what we will. For me I will savor the seasonal gifts of fall colors before the trees are stripped bare for winter. I will cook my mother's famous mustard pickles and will pickle beets. I will enjoy whatever grandchildren walk through my door. I will prepare a family supper and welcome whoever gathers round our table. I will anticipate tomorrow's writing with a zeal for getting back to Jasper's Road. Yesterday I began rereading Ten Thousand Truths and was reminded of what it was that made Amelia so special

, so effective and so meaningful in the lives she touched. Food, tradition, place, purpose , acceptance , love and dedication. I fall short. I make mistakes but I put my feet on the floor everyday and keep trying. I am thankful for this another day and for my place and purpose. 

It is Not All About Me

 I feel a heaviness this morning that has been building for quite some time. I use the same tools daily to shake this heaviness but still it keeps mounting. I make my grateful list and it is extensive . I take my wood road walks and they are a gift. I  try my best to see my glass half full and most days I can. But what about the days I want to smash my glass against a wall and scream . Or the days I want to hide,  to walk or run away from all the worry and heartache. What about those days when I can't get out of my own way. A missing writer in Fredericton  is on my mind. I don't know him but hear all the worry and concern in the voices of those who do. Where is he and is he OK? Has he succumbed to the heaviness? I feel the sadness of the first year anniversary of loosing Dad and Gladys. I feel the strain and stress of family tension and I want that heaviness to lift. I want to feel hope , optimism, joy and see joy and hope in the people around me. I believe this is a stressful time for so many. We are caught up in the drama and frightening happenings south of the border and lots of concerning situations in our own country. We are daily reminded of the pandemic and all the changes and challenges that brings. I was reluctant to write this entry this morning , reluctant to admit to my present state of mind. I do know it is not all about me. I know all the things I know and still struggle to pull myself out of the funk I feel. The sun shines bright and I know there are better days ahead. I know things could be so much worse and this too shall pass. I know feeling sorry for myself doesn't help one little bit. Complaining and whining doesn't help at all. I know all this and I know sometimes just putting the words down helps  a bit. I want the heaviness to lift for more than just me.

And Then it's October

Looking out my office window I know it is October again. I feel it in the air and the early darkening skies in the evening. I feel the memory of the beginning days of October last year when my thoughts and my heart  were filled with the reality of them being Dad's and Gladys'  final days. I feel a certain heaviness looking back at my journal entries knowing what was waiting  for me last year. But October is so beautiful and holds so many comforting memories. For thirty four years we have as a family made our way to Kings Landing and allowed the beauty and peacefulness of that place be a part of our Thanksgiving. We hope to make our way there again this year and look forward to feeling October on the banks of the Saint John River in a village that feels like home to us. This October we are blessed with daily visits with Emma and Paige. I can also walk down to see my three other grandchildren  when they get off the bus. How blessed to have them all nearby. Last week I pulled off an escape by attending a Go and Write retreat  in St. Andrews and it was amazing. I had great interaction with fellow writers and lived in a grand house. But coming home was good too and the reality is I have a role at this stage of my life to be a wife ,mother and grandmother and that entails cooking, cleaning, and a fair bit of obsessing. I can also escape to my office and my writing and even though getting kids off the bus, making meals , doing laundry, managing this house and supporting my people gets thrown in I do not take that gift for granted. And would I want it any other way?

Be Where You Are

 Last week I was away. This morning I am back home and reflecting on the gifts and lessons last week provided. They were numerous and memorable and for each one I am truly grateful or as my friend Martha said, simply grateful. Back home with a long list of jobs to get to I do not have enough time to give last week's writing retreat its due in this entry. Tomorrow in the quiet Monday, back to work time I will attempt to tell more and give tribute to the week that was. Today five more writers arrive and join Gerard and Janie for another retreat and I was tempted to stay , to hide out in one of the hidden stairwells like a stowaway and then to try to  blend quietly into the next group. But I came home and as always  I am happy to be here. I  am anxious to get back to my office tomorrow. But for one whole week I lived in this grand house and it is a week in the life of this writer that will not be forgotten.