You Called me a Duck

As I often do on Sunday mornings I have been reading back to blog entries from other years.When doing that I get such a perspective of the ebb and flow of seasons . I see so many constants and several themes arise. There is often worry and anticipation. I speak of goals and stages of my writing. I often mention a WIP or the work being done to get the next book on to the shelf.I tell about the gifts I receive from walking, snowshoeing or swimming. I rave about the beauty of my wood road and the lessons I learn there. Lessons I relearn it seems as I need to constantly remind myself to let things go and value my present life and blessings. I often say I am a lucky duck which brings me to today's entry title. Yesterday I met friends for breakfast at one of my favorite places to eat. The Reed's Point Diner always offers great food, friendly people and a beautiful view of this wonderful place we live . As I was leaving my sister in law Louisa arrived with her four grandchildren. Four year old Fletcher got out of Louisa's car with a huge grin on his face. I said "Nanny brought you for breakfast. What a lucky duck you are!" " You called me a duck." he said.Expanding on that thought I say what lucky ducks we are. Time with family and friends, food to eat, freedom and security , our health and the financial means to buy food and have a vehicle and put gas in our vehicles. Grandchildren to love and spend time with. Memories to be made and treasured.This morning it is pouring rain. I am hearing chunks of snow falling from our steel roof. I am warm and dry. I will write today as my regular writing day tomorrow will be interrupted by a morning appointment. I will not likely get to walk my wood road but revisiting the wonder of it in previous entries will be enough. I face this day knowing what a lucky duck I am.

Blue Sky Above Me

Yesterday was a perfect January day as far as I'm concerned .It was what January has become at its best in my retirement, second career life.On Sunday I received the second round of edits from my editor.This is the sixth book she and I have worked on together and we have a rhythm that is comfortable and pleasant. This ms was fairly easy to edit and I had to add a bit and fill out the ending and there were a few clarifications that needed attending to.So on Monday morning after my regular routine I got to it and was able to finish them up and send them back.We have a cover and everything is right on schedule for a spring release. That is one of the things January has come to mean for me and I could not be more grateful.And yesterday I put on my snowshoes and slogged up the hill through fairly deep, untouched snow. It was challenging for me and for the two old dogs wading ahead of me.Challenging and so worth it. It was glorious!At one point I stopped and looked up at the deep blue sky. I closed my eyes and took in the silence. Trees hung heavy , the snow sculpting amazing creations. I navigated the trails which still have icy spots and places my snowshoes break through into mud holes. But it is the sky that feeds my soul and stays with me once I've come back inside. The sky tells me I am just a small part of this vast universe but I am in this place right now and for that I am immensely grateful.Before coming in I walked down and saw two of my precious grandchildren get off the school bus. Their bright faces and eager voices are a gift I get to enjoy as part of my January days. I returned to my desk and put the finishing touches on the edits and hit send. I then went to my pantry and prepared a feast for my brother in law and sister in law from Alberta who are visiting her mother. I invited more family and we sat around our table enjoying each others company. After midnight I climbed the stairs and with sighs of contentment called it a day;a beautiful January day.

I Will Not Leave You Comfortless

As the Saturday morning sunshine streams through my office I think of my dear friend Ruth. Ruth is a person who gives so much of herself to others. She is one of a kind and is a friend to many. She is an advocate for kids and does life changing work every day in her gentle , kind and accepting way. She has been a comfort to so many people.Over the years she has provided me with a listening ear, a place to fall and words of wisdom and comfort. She has fed and nourished people in her welcoming home. She has been a wonderful daughter, sister and aunt. She has mothered her beautiful daughter.And she has been a loving , loyal and devoted wife.Side by side her and Roy have faced many challenges and always rose to meet them together. Today she will be comforted and embraced as she receives those who will gather to say farewell to her beloved Roy.I hold her in my heart today and pray that all the comfort she has offered will come back to her tenfold.

Another Snowy Day

Another January morning, the snow lightly falling and my house quiet and warm. One dog is up and a husband is still sleeping. Another January day unfolding. This day a memorable, difficult day for the Barr family. I hold each one in my heart and know the challenges this day will bring. They will celebrate and honor the husband , the father , grandfather and great grandfather they have been called to say goodbye to. They will rejoice in the love of family , friends and a community who will gather to share this day with them. But they alone will take their sorrow home and somehow find a way in the next days , months, and years to live a life with a hole, a loved one missing, a new normal as they say. A beautiful wife sat yesterday receiving the kind words and gestures while knowing how dramatically her life has changed. She will find strength in so many places, her children, her grandchildren and great grandchildren, her family, friends and her faith.Beautiful photographs surrounded her speaking of the love she was blessed with. That love will not fade.They looked like movie stars with a storybook love story and indeed that is what they lived. Their story held all the parts a good story holds; love, loyalty, devotion, service, kindness, sacrifice and gratitude. A happy ending for sure despite the sadness this day will bring. The sadness of separation and death but the legacy of the love they nurtured and treasured.If in fact I muster the courage to drive in the snow( an unreasonable fear of mine) I will sit and bear witness to the type of love we all want in a good story. The price of that love is sorrow but the pay off is the circle of love that remains when one link is broken. The Barr family is such a circle.

The Worthlessness of Worry

I have a problem with worrying. I came by it honestly because my mother was a champ. I could step back and see the futility of her worry and give my two cents worth but here I am caught up in it myself. I give myself regular talks about the worthlessness of worry. I regularly list my blessings and try to put my concerns in perspective. I know much of what I worry about I build up to be bigger than it is. I also know how little control I have in any of it. But in the night when I wake up and lie there my mind goes on a worry fest and I feel so powerless to combat it.My youngest son has always had a way of snapping me out of my current worry.I know his wisdom is right on but it does not keep me from going right to the worry again. What is worry ? The dictionary definition says things like ;feel anxious,annoy,a cause of trouble. The dictionary actually uses the sentence A mother has many worries as an example of the word usage.All this I know . Why worry , be happy. Why indeed.I am weary of worry and find myself wishing for a worry free mind. I do not believe that possible and see the love and concern I have for my loved ones as a gift not a curse. But in the light of day I must empower myself with the tools to battle the hopelessness of worry that grips me in the dark. I must continue to shed light on my blessings , put my feet on the floor and face the day. I must also accept the reality of a mother's heart and be thankful for it.

And On We Go

I am in my office for the day and so excited to be here.Christmas has consumed my time and for that I am grateful. I managed to squeeze in a few sessions of work as I began the first round of edits for When the Hill Came Down but today I get to tackle them full on. But sitting down at my desk I felt the need to write a blog entry heralding the new year. We are in the 2020's. Crazy!How very quickly the years, the decades and life goes by. I will not spend this time listing the details of 2019. It was a year lived and here we are ready to go again. Yesterday we had a wonderful crowd of family and friends gather in around our table and share food, conversation, games , laughter and story. I watched three of my precious grandchildren zig zag through the crowd filling the house with their wonderful youthfulness and zest for life.We filled our plates with the bounty we have been blessed with.I loved every minute of it.Years ago battling the let down New Years day brought after all the excitement of Christmas I began the New Years Day get together. Yesterdays' crowd brings a smile to my face but on this quiet morning thoughts of the absent guests carries some sadness ,concern and worry.Our close friends Paul and Alice were not with us. For years Paul and Alice have attended every family get together and they were dearly missed yesterday. Our prayers are with Paul as he struggles with serious medical challenges.Loved ones were mourned and missed . We know not what this year will bring but hold tight to the gift of family and friends, memory and connection. In 2020 we will break bread together, we will love and support one another and on we will go.