Running the Last Lap

The girls are still sleeping and I may be writing this entry as an avoidance tactic but here goes. Our five week marathon of grand parenting is approaching its last lap. As other years I have hit the wall, felt the exhaustion and dragged my weary self through a day hoping that a good night's sleep would energize me to keep going. As some things are easier with the girls getting older some seem more challenging. Part of my fatigue of course is my own aging body and I often experience the same depletion of energy and optimism with or without granddaughters. I am a keeper of lists to help me re-group , to see the light at the end of the tunnel , to motivate and propel me forward. So on this quiet Sunday morning I look to the last lap of the visit of Summer 2019. I look at all the blessings and rewards, the hugs , laughter and wonderful bonding and make a plan to tackle the remaining days mindful of fitting in the things that matter.We need a bonfire, a late night swim, more cousin time ,and lots more laughter.I will put aside the frustration of clutter and mess. I will try not to see the things I do not get done but concentrate on the work that is accomplished and the most important work is spending time with the girls until they leave us for another year. While I run this last lap I have a new novel percolating in my head. A possible title snuck in yesterday and we will see if it sticks. All jobs just like my writing will wait until we are ready to do them. We constantly have to evaluate what needs to be done immediately and what we can put off to another day.When the first granddaughter puts her feet on the floor this morning my most important task will be to be Monkey, to put the time we have together first and make these days count. I will of course sweep floors , do the laundry, pull some weeds and make some meals but the important work is the reading of stories, the playing of games, the jumping in the lake, the snuggling and paying attention to the wonder of these two little girls.

Can You Feel the Love Tonight?, Circle of Life and So On

The girls are now counting sleeps and days until they go home. It was just awhile ago they were counting sleeps to come to Monkey and Toad's. Memories have been made, time has been spent and we have felt the love. Last night we went to see The Lion King. Grampie and Emma sat at the back and Paige and I sat near the front. The beauty,the soundtrack and the story of course touched us all. On the way home Emma asked" When will I go from being Little Toad to Middle Toad?" She thinks she is not little anymore and was negotiating a name change with her grandfather. I suggested Teen Toad when she hits thirteen. The girls discussed this categorizing the teen years. Settling on being Teen Toad from thirteen to nineteen. At that point Grampie said" You won't still be coming when you are nineteen." Both girls shouted" Yes we will " in unison. Although we doubt that, it thrilled us both to hear it. Yesterday Em announced her wedding would take place in New Brunswick.At supper Paige talked about moving here and trying to convince her parents to do so. Our time together is not geared for brainwashing with the end result of getting our daughter to come back home but our granddaughters definitely feel the tug of the East Coast so I guess that is a positive side effect.There are less sleeps before going home than the sleeps they have already had at Monkey and Toad's this summer. Paige told her mother last night that the weeks go by too fast. So do the years by the way. Teen Toad and second Teen Toad will be here before we know it . These days will vanish onto the pages of my journal and into our collective memories. The circle spins and the love is felt and for that this grandmother is filled with gratitude ( a bit of exhaustion ) but so much gratitude.

Rainbows, Peggy's Cove and Weed Free Corn Rows

I just returned from my second glorious lake swim of the day. I was determined to get the corn rows finished today and I did. As I pulled weeds and hoed I could hear the background noises of sawing and hammering. I had an occasional visit from my granddaughters who kept themselves busy but checked on Monkey now and again. Emma even brought me out a lovely drink of ice cold water.My trusty bug suit kept the bugs away from my upper body while they feasted on my bare legs.Once in awhile I would gaze at the rows I have not gotten to yet and feel a brief twinge of guilt and anguish over the weeds not yet pulled. I would quickly give myself the Rome was not built in a day talk. I thought of the comparison to writing a book and how it can only be completed one word at a time, one sentence, one chapter, one small idea really.I could easily get myself in a state over what doesn't get done, the overwhelming-ness of it all but I do know that mindset does not help one little bit.We did not go to Peggy's Cove but the hammering and sawing was happening as the crew started our siding which is called Peggy's Cove. It is a lovely dark grey wood siding and the windows are being trimmed out in white. As I drove down the driveway to go for my last swim I did not let myself look. I wanted to wait and have the reveal when I drove back up the driveway. The girls made comments; " It's really nice Monkey", "It makes it look more like a farmhouse". The driveway side is only about half done but I already know I love it. We had our reservations about covering the cordwood. Meg said" no one will know it's a cord wood house". I replied "I will know". And of course anyone who has been around in the last thirty years will know as well. But it was time for an update, a makeover , a fresh look and I am pleased with our choice.Last night Grampy,the girls, Aunt Louisa ,Anthony and I had a game night. During our first game lightening flashed, there was a loud bang, a clap of thunder and the flicker of lights. This was followed with a downpour. Grampie went to get Cale who was haying. Shortly after the sky cleared a beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky.We rushed to the front veranda to take in its beauty.So this afternoon as I quickly write this entry before heading downstairs to make supper I ponder the title and give thanks for family, for beauty, for goals and achievements for a home and for my lake of course.

To Reach For the Sky

Just a quick entry in the quiet of an already hot day. My two girls sleep peacefully and I will attempt to spend an hour in the garden. To look at the glass half full, my abundance of blessing and to put aside the worry, the sadness, the self criticism is the goal of this beautiful day. Dreams often take me to the dark places to the underlying tensions I try to avoid. Some of these tensions I know I create myself in my own head and expand them to be larger than they really are. To expand the positive and the wonderful is a more enabling activity and this I will do today. How can my heart not swell with the smiles of grandchildren, the hug of my husband the wag of a big black dog's tail? How can I not be filled with amazement as I dip deep in my beautiful lake and allow the rippling water to cover me? As I look up at the vast sky how can I not fill with hope , with vision and gratitude? To look this morning at the green shoots of sunflowers, of bean plants, of green leaves of the pea plants unfolding, of corn shoots reaching to the sky instead of the weeds,and the thistles attempting to choke out the good. Doubt, failure, insecurity and disappointment can do the choking and it is my choice to not allow it. A dream is just a dream. Morning comes and we have the choice of what we see and what we choose to give our minds and hearts over to.Let the choices I make on this beautiful July day be the better ones.