While the Snow Gently Falls

What a beautiful morning. It is a quiet,peaceful day between Christmas day and New Years day requiring very little of me except to take it in and let it unfold. The snow is falling out side and I have decided to stay put and just enjoy this day. I will reflect on the blessings this season and this year have brought.I am awaiting the second round of edits for my eighth book, Fear of Drowning. I look forward to seeing some cover options in the next while. I saw the book written up on the Indigo site a few minutes ago with a anticipated release date of May 2019. How great is that? I read back to some of my first entries on this blog when I started it in 2011 which was before my first book was released.It is interesting how things change and stay the same. I just had my 62nd birthday and am so grateful for my health and all I have learned in my first 62 years. Yesterday I sat with my friend Gladys in the big room at her nursing home. A man had come in to entertain and every song he sang spoke loudly to me of so much. Gladys and I were among only a few of those residents who seemed able to participate. The music was reaching them all though I believe. I remembered how Mom could play her organ pretty much right up to her leaving home,how my Aunt Lois still responds to music even though her moments of clarity are few. Gladys was still able to tell me little morsels of entertaining stuff. Who was who in the room and so on. One song seemed to be perfect for dancing and we remembered her husband Eldon who loved to dance. I came away so thankful for so much and glad I made the time to drive to Hampton and visit Gladys.Today is another day I have been given and I will not take it for granted. Every day that came before and all the days I will yet be given add to the beauty of this one. A fresh snow will cover the ground and I will be snug inside my home not knowing what comes next but truly appreciating where I am right now in the life I have been blessed with.

What Christmas Really Is

You know what. Christmas is not a perfect family movie. There is not always a happy ending. Sometimes there is sadness, disappointment, hurt and anger. Sometimes there are tears and sleepless nights. Sometimes you find yourself wishing for something you believe you see in other people's stories, other people's Christmas photos and other people's lives. Sometimes you watch a platform filled with children and wish your grandchildren were standing there. Sometimes you wish your own small children still made up the crowd. Sometimes you sit in the sparkling light and wish you were a little girl again, possibly to have a do over or maybe just to appreciate what those childhood years held. Sometimes you squeeze your tear filled eyes together and conjure up a scene from the past. Your mother in her housecoat sitting at the end of your bed while your kids open their stockings. Your Dad uncovering the Kenmore sewing machine with your name on the tag on Christmas morning. Sometimes you just wish for a perfect Christmas , one made to order with all the moving parts exactly as you wish them to be. Sometimes... But Christmas is not any of those things while being all of those things. It is heartbreaking and heart mending, joyful and sorrowful, maddening and wonderful. Christmas is like every day of our complicated lives. It is all of the above and on this Christmas Eve 2018 I claim that and make the choice to be thankful for it all..

My Mother's Voice

Last night a dream gave me something I have not had for a long time; the sound of my mother's voice.In my dream I was passed the phone , my parents were calling from Florida and it was Mom I heard on the other line. She spoke without a falter. I said "Mom you are speaking really well, are you on a new medication or is Florida just agreeing with you? I did not want the phone call to end or the dream to get over. My question this morning is why did I not treasure those days more when the daily phone calls would come. It was always Mom who called. Sometimes Dad would get on the line and say a word or two but Mom was the lifeline of news. That was always Mom's only condition; she would leave for the winter and be away for Christmas only if she could call me every day.Sometimes her calls would be inconvenient, I would feel her disapproval or she would voice a negative opinion but always I felt her love and concern for me and mine. Oh how much I miss that. Dad is in Florida alone this year. Reading in my journal from this time last December I remember how difficult things were for him, caring for Mom and the silence accompanying that . But this year the burden has lifted leaving loneliness in its place.But the memories remain, the sound of her voice still echoes in my ears and I am thankful for the call that came to me as I slept.Call again anytime Mom. Love you!

So This is Christmas

The phrase"So this is Christmas" sounds somewhat sarcastic , negative , regretful but I do not mean it to sound that way. What I am feeling as December gets started and Christmas returns for another year is peace, joy and gratitude. I feel sorrow and nostalgia as well but that is a part of this beautiful time of the year. Last night I gathered with many to partake of a delicious turkey dinner offered freely by the folks at Kingston Baptist. That building and a lot of the faces I see there bring back so many memories of another time in my life. A time when I was raising four children and was an active part of that congregation. I sang in the choir ,taught Sunday school, helped with concerts. I was that young woman I saw herding kids and smiling last night. My kids were those excited, dressed up, nervous, adorable children standing on the platform singing their hearts out. Last night it was my grandson and as far as I'm concerned he was the star of the show. His red shirt and plaid tie ,his sparkling eyes and his huge smile radiated from the stage and into my heart. I was so blessed to be in that place. My granddaughter beamed with excitement after holding her new baby cousin. My older grandson kept his excitement under wraps as fourteen year old boys do. I sit here this morning with the sun streaming through my office window and reflect on every Christmas that has passed and on the gifts I will receive this Christmas.My warm comfortable home is decorated . The lights twinkle yet again and I await the blessings of Christmas. I add to lists of tasks to be completed, last minute shopping to do and events to attend. I hear Christmas music ( some ridiculously controversial) and some heart wrenching. The gifts I receive are not the wrapped gifts that will be placed under the tree but the treasured gifts of family and friends, of bittersweet memories, of loved ones missing and years gone by."So this is Christmas and what have we done, another year older a new one just begun."