Release, Receive, Return

No words. Words are not enough. How can we ever find the words? Until a few minutes ago that is how I was feeling. When thinking about writing a blog entry after the horrendous happenings that took place in Nova Scotia on the weekend I was speechless, at a loss for words, silent. My heart is so heavy with grief and disbelief. I have heard countless news reports, interviews,lists of names and personal stories of the victims. I am overwhelmed. But a few minutes ago I texted a friend to tell her I was missing our Wednesday swimming, shopping and lunch outing and in her reply she asked me if I'd heard Sheree Fitch's CBC interview yesterday on CBC Information Morning Saint John. I hadn't and quickly searched for it. And there were the words. Not my words, not Sheree's words but three words you can find in any dictionary. Release , Receive and Return.Just three words but when put together provide a powerful message about healing.I will get back to them but first will elaborate on the gift of Sheree's interview . She read the poem 'Because We Love , We Cry' that came to her a few mornings ago. This beautiful collection of words was read in a press conference from New Brunswick and has been shared on social media. Comforting words that came to Sheree as she woke up in tears. Words she shared and words that are touching others. The tragedy in NS unfolded on April 18th and the 18th and 19th are dates that will be permanently chiseled into the minds and hearts of so many. April 18th was already for me a meaningful and difficult date. I have found myself in the last few days feeling guilty, or at least somewhat selfish for still feeling such pain after 21 years when this new anguish is so raw for so many. But when I step back and look at that I realize as I have known all along, one person's pain does not diminish another's . We do not outrank or upstage another's loss by the depth of ours. What the families of this weekend's victims must process is huge and I can not even fathom it which it why of course it leaves us without words.But somehow we find words. We find words to express love and loss . We find words to comfort others. We find words to cling to and to keep us from drowning in the grief.For me on this day I hold on to the three words Sheree uses to describe the healing she finds in the labyrinth her husband built on their property. I have walked that circle of stones as have so many and know the beauty of the exercise. I also know the truth of those three words as I daily take my wood road walk. Some days I enter the woods with so much to release I feel I can not carry it. At some point along the walk I gaze up at the sky and am able to release the pain, the worry, the heaviness.Some days it feels as if it all dissipates when other days only a fraction of it lifts. But every day I receive . Some days I am filled up beyond measure with a peace, a calmness and a comforting assurance. And then I return.I have heard it said that grief is hard work and I know that to be true. So much hard work is now ahead for so many and I pray for each and everyone.