Whichever Window

 For two days and nights I stared out a beautiful window ,in silence and solitude,  mesmerized by a stunning scene . I allowed the roiling waves of the Northumberland Straight to quiet the turmoil and unrest in my soul. I searched my heart and my mind looking to find peace and acceptance. I dug deep for strength and resilience and forgiveness. I acknowledged my weakness, my shortcomings and celebrated my victories. I came back home to my own window and my own circumstances , rested and with a resolve to do the best I can with what I've been given.  This is not a new exercise but one I have conducted my whole life and one I especially have relied on in the last twenty one years. Survival and growth and keeping my head above water are daily tasks and require daily attention. Seasons of challenge and difficulty are nothing new and are a part of our human experience. Our perspective looking out the same window can differ and our optimism can waver and falter and sometimes we only see the darkness not the

light the same view provides. I am reaching the end of another summer with gratitude and sadness, hope and heartache but I do look ahead to the beauty that awaits. The view out my office window will change and take on the  colors of autumn and then the hues of a winter landscape. I am grateful for another return to my desk and look forward to my regular writing days. I will remember the days I gave myself to just stare out of Odette and Yo Anne's loft window allowing time and distance to replenish my confidence and hopefulness. I ask for love and generosity to abound and will keep trying to do my part.

Another Sunday Morning

The best start to my day is sitting out on my front veranda gazing down toward the road, seeing the herd of cows meandering in the green pasture  and listening to the quiet sounds of the morning.I am loving my front veranda, and the time spent in the fresh morning air . I hope to begin my day in that manner  until the snow flies. This has been a summer to remember in so many ways. There are loose ends to tie up and things to be worked out but for the most part I have soaked in the sun, took daily dips in my healing lake and embraced the move that has brought our daughter, our son in law and Emma and Paige home. Yesterday I returned to the market and had the best sales day ever. Looking at my final tally Emma decided that maybe she would be a writer. I assured her that writers don't make this much money every day. But how nice to greet returning readers and meet new ones. The highlight of my day yesterday was connecting with a woman who grew up a few miles away from where I lived in Long Reach.She had been introduced to my books by a friend of Zac's who has always been a huge supporter of my work.She came to the market to buy all nine books which is such a thrill for me.She told of reading my new book and coming to pg 99 where she saw her father's name and a reference that was fictional but so meaningful in her own memory. Being a writer who uses my home area as setting for most of my work and throws in real people among the fictional story lines I love it when it brings that kind of connection to my readers. She was thrilled to delve into fiction to retrieve memory and meaning. I realize as I write this  that the real value of my quiet mornings on the veranda is reflection and processing and a chance to fill up my  gratitude reservoir. Days when I don't get that opportunity leave me floundering and empty. Even in all the busyness, all the worry and heartache the last few weeks have brought I can truly say just being where I am and taking in my blessings have kept me going. I will return to my desk when the teachers go back and I will continue to put effort into crafting stories that matter to me. Knowing that they matter to other people too makes it even more meaningful. We all have heartache, sorrow, loss and pain but the gifts are there for the taking. This Sunday morning my gifts were plentiful. Against the backdrop of cows mooing and roosters crowing, with two old dogs snoozing at my feet and a granddaughter still sleeping I let the morning coffee wake me, the sun encourage me and the days' promise call to me.With that beginning I can face all the rest of it.

What Comes Next?

 This time of year for me has always been a very transitional time. The last weeks of August always brought a frenzy of activity ramping me up for another school year. For the last eleven years it has meant returning to my office either to a work in progress or a new project. The air changes and the slant of the sun changes and the mindset from summer to September changes as well. This year is no different with a whole lot of other things thrown in. I have some heaviness weighing on my mind that I pray will lift in the next while. I have two escapes that I am looking forward to, hoping they will be refreshing and  rejuvenating both personally and professionally. I am looking forward to returning to the Farmer's market on Saturday and meeting new and old readers.I have one book I want to re-work a bit, and two books started I hope to get back to. I have an idea percolating for another so I have lots to motivate me. I remember thinking that maybe the well would run dry and I would get to a place with no new ideas but luckily that has not happened yet. This is the twelfth fall that I get to go back to my office and full time writing. 

For that I am so grateful. Isolation will finish in two days and there are so many aspects of regular life I am looking forward to. I have felt exiled, distanced and removed from so much but have been so lucky to have my husband, my daughter, her husband and two of my grandchildren in exile with me and each day brought a plethora of gifts. Caleb and Jenna stayed on the periphery of our exile offering support and encouragement. I look forward to opening our circle to family and friends .I look forward to hugs from my other grandchildren and seeing their happy ,smiling faces. What a strange time this is with the overarching worry and anxiety of a world wide pandemic, the uncertainty of our norms and the required adaptation and adjustment. But even in all of this upheaval let us remember to be kind, to be patient and forgiving, to be families and people we can be proud of when we look back.August will bring September. Summer days will turn to fall and winter will follow. Seasons unfold and this too shall pass. 

Days of Self Isolation

 Two steps forward and how many back? I am feeling that way today as the girls and I approach our day 14 only to tack seven more days on to accommodate Burton, Megan and Cody. For the most part we are doing just fine. We are staying busy enjoying summer on the Walton Lake Road. We have been careful to stay away from people. We are partaking of daily swims but only jump in the lake when no one else is there. We have had a couple of  visitors keeping their distance and making their stops brief. We had a kind friend  drop off Chinese Food to us. Caleb and Jenna have gone to the store for us. Louisa and Roxanne have shopped for specially requested items.We did a self isolation pick up from Fullerton's market. A friend and her daughter did a Costco run for us this morning. Telephone calls and texting check ins have taken place. We are good. We are well and we are fine. But part of me wants so desperately to return to what in the last few months has become our new normal. I want to go to Reid's Point Pub. I want to visit friends. I want to go for an ice cream cone or sit  on a beach with other people. This too will end! I know that but I can't help feeling a little trapped, a bit of cabin fever. We have not  visited with Aunt Louisa for goodness sake and that doesn't seem natural. The kids haven't seen

their cousins. We are so blessed with space, food to eat  and each other. Before we know it these days will be a thing of the past. Today I hold on to that hope and dream of brighter days ahead.  

Change is as Good as a Rest

 I don't know about the wisdom of the old adage that is today's title.  There's been lots of change in the last months, weeks and days and if self isolation is a rest I guess we are having it. But I do not feel rested . On the contrary I feel on edge, worn out and weary. I know there are many factors contributing to the heaviness I am feeling and am employing all the strategies I have to work through this. I am taking advice from friends and loved ones and searching my own tool chest of resources to move through these current days. I can see that the worry and tension of Covid is a contributing factor and I realize this is universal. I also know how fortunate I am in the scheme of things. The world is suffering on so many fronts and I know my problems do not compare. I count my many blessings and will attempt to allow my blessings to overshadow my heartaches. How blessed we are to be in this place, to have the people we have in our lives and be exactly where we are  on life's journey. Mistakes , failures and missteps have occurred but we are still standing. Change brings challenge and would we really want it any other way. Or could we expect it to be any other way? Nothing easy about this thing we call life. Each new day we are given is a chance to do better, love deeper and grow stronger. The hugs, the smiles, the kind words and gestures make it all worth while and on this day I have all those things. The sun is shining and we are well. Laughter and tears go hand in hand and we have our fill of those as well. Let us not borrow the troubles of another day but embrace the day we are given. Rest,

regroup and carry on as best we can.

Be Covid Kind

This morning a greeting on a fellow author Jane Tim's blog caught my attention. So many people are ending a conversation these days with Be Safe. This global pandemic is on our minds and lips and in our psyche to be sure. But Jane's greeting spoke loudly to me this morning.  This climate of mask shaming, arrow tension, guideline confusion and continual debate regarding freedoms has us on edge to say the least.  Daily news reports fuel this deep debilitating fear and turmoil we all feel. Lock downs, talk of vaccines, government inaction as well as interference, medical advice, medical debate, conspiracy theories and death counts keep this fear roiling. Kindness does not always abound and even an angry pointing to an arrow on the floor  on ones first trip into the Wal-Mart after four months of  staying clear can leave you feeling upset and confused. Uniformed officers directing you through a processing line before allowing you to enter your home province while necessary and  responsible is off putting never the less.  I do understand the need for protocol, for guidelines and recommendations . Not being a person overly worried about germs I slowly came to take this crisis seriously and have tried to adhere to the daily ( ever fluctuating advise). I do however see holes and discrepancies in the guidelines. I will not get into the doubts I have in systems that were already hugely flawed dealing with this massive challenge. But again I return to kindness. In a world where bus drivers are beaten to death for asking passengers to wear a mask, and leaders of large countries suggest ludicrous cures and show heartless indifference we know kindness does not always rule the day. But please in families and communities and in our own hearts, step back and take a deep breath and be kind. The tag line " We are all in this together" might be getting old but I for one don't want to have to slog through this madness by myself without the love and support of the people I care about. Be well, be safe, be smart but above all for the love of God be kind!