My Oxygen Mask

 Who forgets to breathe? No-one. We live so therefore, we breathe. The breath of life is something we take for granted unless of course something impedes our breathing. We think about our breathing the most if for some reason we are having trouble breathing. My chain of thought this morning is about breathing, self care and making choices to help us breathe better.  Put your own oxygen mask on first comes to mind. I have often thought of that saying and use it when talking about my self care. I realized yesterday that my 'Everyone's Ok' has taken a bit of a back seat to the mantra ' I'm OK ' lately. Is that selfish? Not  if you follow the oxygen mask instruction. The  key to truly benefiting from putting your own oxygen mask on first is leaving it on long enough for it to do any good.
I intend to do just that. I will of course continue to care about my people and my work but my goal is to put my needs first. Radical and life changing but something we all should do so that we are well enough to be there for those who need us to be. Tomorrow my granddaughter turns thirteen. How quickly she has grown into a young woman. She has so much to learn and so much to discover. I hope in all that discovery she keeps her  own well being at the forefront. 

Spring is Upon Us

 I feel the tug of Spring. Ice flows in the river, depleting snowbanks, muddy driveways and yards, longer days and warm rays of sunshine are but a few. We look behind and ahead. Memories of deep snow and bitter cold make way for thoughts of crocuses and forsythia blossoms. Again I will launch a new book and I look forward to returning to the Farmer's market on Saturdays. And here it is Monday again and I have a day and week ahead of me that holds promise and potential. I have time to write new words and do not take that for granted. So I will get to work on this first day of Spring. 

A Monday in March

 I am happy to be sitting at my desk on another Monday in March. We are all mindful of the two year mark and recalling what came in March 2020. Two years have flown by one day, one Covid challenge at a time and here we are. Do we know any more than we did on the days we knew nothing? Today mask mandates and gathering restrictions are lifted.  Vaccination passports  have been done away with and daily case number announcements  have ceased. Many of us have had positive tests and experienced symptoms and isolation. Serious world events and human suffering have taken the forefront of our attention. We certainly know no better in that regard either. Two world wars and many regional wars  have  done nothing to prevent the same forces of greed and power mongering  that have existed since time began. The burden of it all seems too heavy for any of us to carry.  Constant newsfeed and social media manipulation bombard us and we juggle it all with our own personal challenges and heartaches. We trust and distrust at the same time. We feel hope and complete desperation simultaneously. We are weak and strong, laughing and crying , forgiving and angry, compassionate and vengeful , up and down, exhausted and refreshed, clear and confused and only human. We are where we are  in this moment of history. Ours is no more challenging than what our parents and grandparents faced before us  and what our children and grandchildren will endure. We have this day and only the tools available to us  as we know them today. The tools of love , gratitude, resilience,  and courage are ours. What more can we ask for?

On These Dark Days

 And suddenly mask mandates, trucker convoys and vaccine passports seem so trivial against the backdrop of Russian invasion and a country under attack. In these dark days of winter our attention has shifted to the terrifying reality of suffering and violence being perpetrated on the sovereign nation of  Ukraine.  For weeks  the news was filled with accounts of the siege on Ottawa, cries for freedom and swelling opposition to government over reach. The Russian invasion is what real government over reach looks like and it is truly worth our outrage and protest. I sit in the comfort of my home and feel the threat of it.  I have no words for this attack. I just know in the core of my soul how barbaric and heartless it all is.

Walking Against the Wind

 I just returned from a brisk ,windy walk. I have been in  my small city space for almost eight months. I came with the deliberate intention of staying for all four seasons. I came  to find  rest, recovery and healing . I walked these city blocks in the summer heat, the autumn coolness and color, the Christmas lights and wonder and now the winter snow and wind. Today a strong wind accompanied warmer temperatures. Ice, dirty snow and running streams of water made the path underfoot. On  part of the walk the wind was at my back pushing me along, not forcefully but enough to make me aware of its presence. I walked back through King Square behind a group of boys; young men, bursting with youthful energy. I kept up for a few steps before their sure and steady gait put them far ahead. I looked around and not another soul was in the square, A few pigeons peppered the bare sidewalks . The grassy areas were covered in ice. It was a much different sight  than the square I'd seen  on other walks during other seasons. Quiet, reflective, waiting. Crossing the street  I noticed the gaggle of young men enter their high school and the teacher in me felt the tug of possibility each day offers when students and dedicated educators meet up.  Along the final block I felt the challenge of walking against the wind. I held a grocery bag and it seemed it was going to fly out of my grasp so I clutched it tighter. I put my attention and energy into the short walk and felt again the gift of being here.  Acknowledging  the gift of being here is what  really matters along this walk and through all the seasons of our lives. 

 

Be Where You Are

 I thought of using Love the One You're With for today's title but settled on Be Where You Are. Both titles fit with my thoughts today. In this pandemic worry filled sea (with many waves) I've finally been hit. A positive test reinforced what my body was already telling me. So here I am where I've worried about being since the first spiral of news, case counts and death tallies. Mark Twain said" I've had lots of worries in my life most of which have never happened." My husband and son often accuse me of going to the 'worst case scenario' and they could have a point. But here I am on this day in February feeling a bit under the weather, trying to rest and recover and trying my best to be truly content with where I am. Where I am  is a tangled , jumbled ball of string and I'm not going to attempt any unravelling. I am sick but I am well . I am alone but I am among  a loving circle of caring friends and family. I am perfectly fine being right where I am today and will hold on to that thought and truly love the one I'm with. Today I will turn away from negativity, fear and doubt and celebrate life instead. I will take the simple joys, the basic gifts of heat and nourishment and shelter, the pleasures of books and movies, and  communicating  through texting and telephone. Alone but not alone. I will take this forced isolation and sit at my keyboard and continue to craft the story of another novel and see where that takes me. I will make use of the precious gift of imagination using that imagination for good not to cause panic and despair. And thank you  Becky for the  early morning drop off of  milk , chips and a chocolate bar.

Where the Sidewalk Is

 After Saturday's storm the sidewalk in front of my small city space disappeared. Boot tracks pocked the deep snow and the snowbank at the corner had to be climbed over with great care. I had a young man offer me his hand the other day to assist me but I declined thinking myself still agile enough to make it over on my own. About an hour ago the sidewalk snow blower plow apparatus came by creating  it's flurry of snow and loud aggressive attack on the snow packed sidewalk. So we have a sidewalk again until the next storm. The snowbanks are now so high out my front windows I can't see the street or the first floor of the building across the street. This morning I read back my January journal entries for 2015 which was another heavy snowfall winter. I remember it well and recall the challenges that winter brought. But we got through it. I laid awake last night listening to the big trucks removing snow from the street. I wondered if our sidewalk would be cleaned during the night. I finally fell asleep and looking out first thing realized it was still plugged solid. Sitting with my morning coffee I saw some snow flying and heard the noise of the machine coming closer and knew this was the day this particular block would have it's sidewalk cleared. Not sure exactly what the wisdom this observation holds except to realize that each problem brings it's challenges, it's victories, it's lessons in patience and fortitude , it's time to be tackled and it's degree of success. Each problem has it's blessings too but sometimes we don't see those until long after the problem has been forgotten or we've moved on to fret about something else. I hope to get outside later and walk the cleared sidewalks of the city blocks around me. But right now I will get to work enjoying the pedestrian traffic  which can again walk by my window on the rediscovered sidewalk.