I am catching my breath this morning as I sit in gratitude and exhaustion. There is still much to do but much has been done. Lists and motivation seem too much to process today so I will allow some refreshing and rest instead. Yesterday I did my last sale and was pleased to meet return readers and new ones. I have edits coming for my spring book and look forward to January's return to the book I started while in the city. I will wait for it to take shape and find the words to fill the pages when the time is right. I feel overwhelmed with thoughts of Christmas but will give myself permission to let it be whatever is will be this year. Last night the wind blew and the rain pelted down but today the sun is streaming through my office window. A good cry seems to be waiting as I approach Zac's 44th birthday tomorrow. Yesterday a woman walked by my table and casually mentioned The Year Mrs Montague Cried to her friend. " I taught Zachary White" she said. I let her keep walking. It is not for her to understand the loss I carry every day. The tears are coming now and maybe a good deluge will prevent them from coming later. I remember the first birthday I faced my friends Marilyn, Alice and Alexandra brought me a cake. The woman at Sobeys had got the wording wrong and we laughed at her mistake. I think it said 'Happy Birthday That' instead of Happy Birthday Zac. Laughter tears, joy and sorrow, memory and forgetting. Days turning to years and life going on. Dark days becoming light and pain accompanied by hope. Seasons changing and gifts surfacing when we least expect them. I will receive this day as the gift it is and do my best to truly appreciate it. My mind and heart will face tomorrow as well and I will claim happy birthday to that!
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