I Love Mondays

 I love Mondays and especially Monday morning with its  promise of possibility. I just made my list and sitting here I feel the joy of the day ahead. I don't mind saying that I hit the wall Saturday at suppertime. The thread that was keeping me together got taunt and broke. Now when that happens I'm not known for yelling and screaming but more for retreating to a quiet place and letting the tears come. I know a balance of both is probably healthier but I am a Bradley by birth and we do not confront. My wise son ( who doesn't know everything, but knows a lot) made the astute observation ,as he attempted to deal with his distraught mother , that I do better writing my feelings than voicing them. So true and right or wrong that is just the way it is. Monday mornings are quiet and in  the  month and season of our lives we now find ourselves that quietness is a welcome state. The grandkids are in school,  the adult children have or are going to work and just the two old folks remain. Mondays are writing days and I treasure them. Yesterday was a beauty day. The tree got in and up. Jenna put the lights on while I worked at supper prep and cleanup. Paige helped with decorating and running commentary . Emma made appearances. A lovely Sunday supper was enjoyed and the twinkling lights in the corner of the living room provided a warm and welcome glow. I was truly grateful for the activity and interaction in my home. And this morning I am truly grateful for the silence. The balance is the key. 

I Miss my Mother

 I love getting ready for Christmas. I love digging out the favorite decorations, the treasured objects, the precious memories. Just like everything else in life there is change to that. Some things stay packed away. Some placements change and some remain the same. I searched yesterday for a framed picture I'd given Mom and Dad a few years ago of Mom, myself and my two brothers standing on the steps of our house at 619 Regent St. prepared to leave for Moncton Christmas morning. The photograph is small but the feelings were huge as I searched for it knowing it had to sit on the small yellow table in the open area. The twinkling lights of the ceramic Christmas tree my mother made and the album cover from my childhood accompany pictures of my growing up family and my beloved parents. I miss them both but yesterday my heart kept reminding me how much I miss my mother. Funny how last night's jumble of dreams gave me both of them. Dad was eating with Chapin's kids and I was holding a new baby up to show Mom.  This morning as I write this my eyes fill with tears as I realize  the powerful weaving in and out of past , present and future our emotions guide us through. This present Christmas has so many gifts and challenges and all the Christmases of my past are thrown in as well as hope of future Christmases. And to top it off the song So This is Christmas comes on the radio. I got through Saturday Zac's 42nd birthday, the twenty second one we've had without him. I shed a few tears but did not have the big cry I anticipated. Perhaps that is coming soon. The big cry doesn't hurt anything and neither does the constant ache. Both are love and I am thankful for that love. I miss the comfort of that love when I can show up at Mom's and just be. She would feed me and wrap me in her love and the visit whether long or short would equip me to keep going. It still does. But now I am the mother , the grandmother and I am truly grateful for that honor. But oh how I'd love to walk through my mother's door and feel the status of being her special guest, her beloved daughter. Thankyou Mom for all the times you gave me that.

Zac changed the lyrics to 'So this is Christmas and what have we done We brought our mother with us and it's not any fun.' This was after a memorable fiasco of a Christmas Eve run. Oh the wonderful treasured memories.

Let's Sneak in Some Christmas

 We are coming to the end of November. One month from today will be Boxing Day or Sue's day as it's called around here; my birthday. But today as I watch November winding down as I sit here in my office in the quiet, gray morning I look to the day and plan to sneak some Christmas in one room at a time. I told the girls we would start decorating on December 1st. Now this year there will be lots going on on December 1st. Meg, Cody and the girls will move from the lovely little cabin they have been renting all fall and move in here for a month. My wish to have them home this Christmas has come true in big style. I am thrilled about this and hope to enjoy mostly every minute of it. I will attempt to let go of some of my control issues and relax if my house is not completely tidy and clutter free. Memories will be made and it is our intention to make them good ones. Today Emma and I will clean and decorate the den. That will be our first step to getting ready for Christmas 2020. I look forward to sitting this evening in the comforting glow of candlelight, with a rum and eggnog and a grateful heart ready to welcome the season.

Home Again , Home Again

This entry will look at being home  in  two different  ways. Firstly the being home again aspect related to Covid , the orange phase bordering on red and the possibility of complete lockdown again. As I write this I hear my nine year old granddaughter having a discussion on facetime with a friend and the discussion is definitely mainly on the impact of Covid in their present lives. When I walked in the room a few minutes ago she announced she was talking to her friend and that she can't come here like she did a few weeks ago because of the family bubble situation. They know all the lingo and definitely know the restrictions of life right now. They are afraid and worrying about the next few weeks. They will for now anyway keep going to school and diligently wear their masks and maintain their distance. I will stay home and keep my outside interaction very narrow.

I am thrilled to be home. I see these next few days as a gift of place and purpose. I have writing to do, cleaning and preparation for a family focused Christmas and a beautiful bubble with the people I love . I know part of my family will be outside the bubble and probably I'll only have distant and outside interaction but I know they will work hard at staying safe and happy within their own tight circle. I am so thankful for the challenges of making this a very different, special Christmas and know I have within the walls of my home everything I truly need. So today I pray for us all. Stay safe, stay kind, stay put and be thankful!

Zoom , zoom, zoom

 I am basking in the afterglow of last night. Launches are always a nerve racking jumble of activity, bustle and preparation. My wonderful community of family, friends and neighbors have for eight previous launches supported and embraced my efforts. I have so many wonderful memories from the first eight launches. Arriving at the Farmer's market to see an already full parking lot, chocolate chip cookies from Glenda, wonderful introductions, Saint John String Quartet, ice cream sundaes, butter tarts, Oh my God Monkey you look amazing, music played by Robbie and Calvin. So many  treasured  memories. Last night was no exception. In this time of Covid we had an online Zoom event and that itself brought a fair amount of anxiety. I asked my friend and fellow author Gerard Collins to interview me after seeing at Gerard's launch of The Hush Sisters what a nice addition to a launch  it was when Beth Powning so thoughtfully interviewed him. Gerard was wonderful. He asked thought provoking and deeply intuitive questions and in the first few minutes I felt right at ease and had stopped  seeing my face and flaws staring back at me. Friends, family and neighbors showed up and filled the screen in their little boxes. It was wonderful. My publisher Terrilee Bulger introduced me and offered encouragement and support throughout. Acorn's Genevieve Loughlin engineered the evening and made things run smoothly. I was thrilled with the chance to read and respond which of course has always been the joy of every launch. My office was the venue but the reach was vast; Vancouver, Saskatchewan, Montreal, Newfoundland, Halifax, Lunenburg, Fredericton, Lower Coverdale , Grand Lake, Campobello Island ,Hampton, just a few of the places from which people arrived. No one had to travel too far from home to show up and make this author feel supported and encouraged to keep doing what she does. Thank you!

Still Plodding Through November

 I wrote my last entry on November 2nd when the month was barely through the gate.  Yesterday my blog coach gently nudged me to write an entry but I was working to finish up the first round of edits for Skyward  that I'd given myself two weeks to complete. I was able to finish and send the edits back yesterday afternoon, three days before schedule. I am pleased with my efforts. I so appreciate the work my editor does to make me a better writer. The challenges she gave me seemed a bit overwhelming initially but as she stated in her notes I did already know the answers to all her queries when I dug a little deeper. The key is of course to make sure the reader knows it all, in good time , in a carefully crafted and deliberate way. I love that side of editing and am so glad for the care and attention my editor gives my work. When I thank Penelope Jackson in my acknowledgments please understand just how much I have to thank her for. Now on to round two and getting closer to the finish line and the actual book. So November continues. Today is a beautiful, sunny ,crisp day. I just had a Zoom practice call with author Gerard Collins and Acorn publicist Genevieve Loughlin. Oh boy technology is fun. Who doesn't love seeing their own face constantly on the screen? I am going to try to get over my self loathing as I engage in tomorrow night's Zoom launch of When the Hill Came Down. Gerard is going to interview me and I look forward to that. Yesterday I had an amazing wood road walk even though it was wet and muddy. It culminated in the sighting of a beautiful vibrant rainbow visible just as I began my descent . I took the time to take its beauty in and appreciate the gift spreading across the sky. What better way to celebrate having just completed the beginning edits on my novel entitled Skyward. Even in this bleak November remember to look to the sky, take in and be grateful for all the blessings, all the challenges and  all the gifts this life has to offer. 

Weary, Wonderful November

I am in my office this morning. A part of me would rather have headed back to bed , covered up and slept the morning away. I do feel weary. A good weary though. Weary with well doing. Maybe. I have been doing. Yesterday the day was spent in my pantry . Baked beans, Brown bread rolls and a large pot of aromatic, thick and deep yellow mustard pickles. Nine people sat at our table and enjoyed a Sunday supper meal while the November sky darkened early and the  rain fell and the wind blew outside. The leaves have pretty much all fallen to the ground. On yesterday's wood road walk a thick and colorful cover was the path beneath my feet. I felt the cooler air and the feel of November. I love the familiar feel of November. Thirty years ago I was awaiting the birth of my fourth child. November always brings the sadness and poignancy of Remembrance Day , a day of importance in a family with military connection and service. I feel the promise of first snow and deepening cold. I feel the comfort of wood heat and comfort food. I feel the tug of Christmas. Meg , Cody and the girls will move in with us for the month of December and I have told the girls we will begin trimming for Christmas on December first. What a different and wonderful December this will be. In my weariness I must remind myself to be truly thankful for the extra mouths I get to feed. A season of our lives to be savored and enjoyed . This morning I told Burton how weary I was and that I would like to go back in time. First I said 1985, than 1971, and then 1963. 1985, a new baby , 1971, Grade nine,1963 assassination of JFK. Each November ,each year and season brought challenges, difficulties, joys and sorrows of it's own. Weariness and wonder. Another year, another November, another stage and chapter in my life.