Deep Breaths, Tears and Laughter.

Oh boy! On this beautiful October day I have some breathing to do, some tears to cry and some words that need writing. There is no possible way I could cram the last month into one entry and I am not even sure all of it will be written but it will be processed. I will walk my wood road where I can freely talk to myself. I will reread my journal and in quiet moments I will reflect on all the blessings, the gifts, the challenges and the difficulties this last month provided. I will relish my at home time and breathe in deeply the joy of home, friends and family. I will remember so much and let lots of things go. I will speak words out loud and write words down and feel words inside not always allowing them to escape. On Tuesday I was boiling over with anger , an emotion I don't often have to subdue and I am glad no humans were harmed .That anger lifted when I was able to look into my Dad's blue eyes and see the recognition and love they have always offered me. I was so afraid that my absence would rob me of that gift and even though not many words were exchanged I felt the assurance that all that needed saying had already been said on our brief exchange a week before and in my almost 63 years of being his daughter. Yesterday Dad spoke no words to me and only opened his eyes for a brief moment and the light was gone from them. He had packed his lunch and was ready to go. Just like he had been all his life once the plan was made he put the wheels in motion to carry them out. He had let go of all concerns for the future , he had found comfort in the memories of the past and he accepted his final journey. His strong body shut down and he peacefully took in his last breath . We stood by his bedside and watched him go.So now we take breaths, we carry on, we remember and celebrate and we keep giving and loving until it is our time to leave.