The Second Half of Life

I attended a lovely funeral yesterday for an almost 103 year old woman. Her grandson lovingly eulogized her and referred to the two halves of life. He commented on how in looking around the room he deduced most of the crowd was already well into their second half. I spoke to two girls afterward who are 50 and almost 52 and we spoke about their mother who died at the young age of fifty one. I often think about life, death ,young lives and older lives and the wisdom I glean is ongoing. I know at age 62 I am no longer middle age. I am well along the second half and I am grateful for every day. I still as do most of us struggle with making sense of it all but this I do know; the time to be happy is right now. The blessings to be counted are the ones we currently have not the ones we wish for. Waiting to be content with our lives is a waste of the day we are living. That is not to say of course that we should not aspire to goals and dreams for our future but this should not push out the wonderful gifts our life has right this minute.A beating heart,breath, wellness, food, shelter, family, friends, beauty and hope.I could go on but I have a day ahead to live to its fullest.

When the Teachers Go Back

It is chilly. It seems as if the weather took a plunge as an obvious gesture announcing the finish of summer. I am hopeful that the temperature will climb again and we will have many more summer like days and lots more lake swims. But this morning the chill seemed fitting. At 9;00 I made my way to Fullerton's market to met four other retired teachers for coffee celebrating not having to return to our classrooms and the all consuming days of late August and September. No thoughts of setting up classrooms , processing class lists and attending long staff meeting filled our minds as we sat drinking our coffee on the lovely patio at our inviting corner market. Hot coffee, delicious doughnuts and cool air. We draped blankets over our legs feeling the chill for the first time in this hot and beautiful summer of 2019. We discussed many things and mentioned often our freedom and the pleasure and privilege of retirement ( and good health). We welcomed Kathy to our ranks on this her first day of not having to return to school. We thought of the younger teachers now filling the roles we once had.I enjoyed this coffee time but was anxious to get back home and get to my office. For the eleventh time I get to return to my writing on the day the teachers go back. I will have some interruptions this September and am so thankful for our trip to Scotland. I will be participating in another Go and Write Retreat and look forward to the gifts and interactions that will bring. But today I am thrilled to be in my office. The chilly temperature and overcast skies are a welcome break and make it easier to be inside. I still hear pounding and productive activity outside as our renos continue. The siding has moved to the last wall and I see an end in sight. I feel so fortunate to be able to give our beloved home a face lift , a new lease on life and also look forward to the end of building clutter and chaos. To begin I will re-read the manuscript I hope to see released in the spring. I will begin work on the character development of ten characters in my next novel. One came to me this morning forcing her way to the front of my brain and challenging me to get to know her better.So best of luck and good thoughts to all the teachers today and happy writing to me!

As The Fog Lifts

We have had a beautiful summer.I have gazed so many times at the bright blue sky dotted with beautiful fluffy white clouds. I have floated on my back in the refreshing waters of my beloved lake. I have repeatedly mouthed words of thanksgiving and awe at the wonder and magnitude of my blessings. I have had more good days than bad and am so grateful for that.The sun has been balanced with healthy rains and the garden has flourished. My own personal well being has flourished as well but I sometimes find myself bogged down with worry and concern.Sometimes the fog overwhelms me and I search for the brightening sky, the gap in the grey cloud cover. I can usually make my way to the lake and immerse myself in the healing waters it provides. I can often list myself out of the doldrums feeling the checked items lift some of the weight of worry. Last year at this time I was navigating my mother's final days. We did not know she would leave us in one short month but we felt the burden of her decline. As I read the journal entries of those days I feel again the hopelessness , the fear and the sadness . This year under different circumstances I feel the same feelings watching my strong and independent father's decline. Oh how I wish I could make these changes easier for him. One day at a time, one task, one list, accepting my limited ability to steer his course. On this somewhat grey day I wait for the sun and the bright skies. I take comfort in my blessings and in my resources. I am thankful for friends, for family and for a medical system that supports us. I pray for brighter days ahead for my dear dad. I pray that I am able to show the love and patience he needs.

And on With August

Double digits of August. Ponder that a moment. If you are a teacher it looms huge and heralds the return to school. If you are a writer that takes the summer off you look ahead to getting back to your desk. The evenings are a bit shorter, the night and early morning air a bit cooler. The garden is bursting with peas, beans, and small cucumbers hang from the vines. The corn rows are taller, the sunflowers continue to reach toward the sky. Our renovations continue to slowly but surely progress changing our home weekly. The girls are gone leaving a lovely July behind. I face each day with the wonder of choice. Rain soaked the dry ground and gave everything a boost. I will attend to tasks to assist my father in his present stage of life.We approach the first year anniversary of loosing Mom.Burton and I look ahead to our days of travel and adventure in September. But today is August. Today I will swim. I will putter away at household tasks enjoying the sun streaming through new windows. I will pick peas and beans. I will cook a turkey from last year as I watch this year's parading through our fields.We will feast on new vegetables and welcome a friend to our table. The week ahead holds some lunch dates with friends,and an invitation to Denise's camp for the third summer book club. Planning, processing and playing, all the gifts August gives me.

Happy New Brunswick Day

It is packing day. The girls are still sleeping hopefully resting up for the travel ahead. A couple of people have commented that they read between the lines of my last few blog entries and sensed my exhaustion.Today as I scour the house to find everything the girls need to pack I will think of the last five weeks; the fun, the laughter, the road trips ; the memories and I will think of the gift I've had in getting to know my granddaughters at the age and stage they are now living. I will also think of the exhaustion, some of it coming simply from being busy , from keeping up with a ten year old and an almost eight year old. Part of it though is the energy given to being the grandmother I need to be to be, to love, encourage and manage two unique people thrown into a family and into our lives for five weeks. I have often been accused of being a control freak, a bit too strong of an assessment I think but I do know I often have to remind myself that things are not in my control. But as the grandmother I have the job of guiding and directing of managing and defusing when no parent is nearby. This job seems overwhelming sometimes and I think this is what exhausts me the most.No reading between the lines there. I am one tired Monkey. One grandparent told me yesterday that he is exhausted after five hours with grandchildren let alone five weeks. I know all this on this another New Brunswick day when I have to get my girls ready to go back to Alberta. I love this time together and I love getting my quiet life back. I love the things we have done together and the deeper connection we have made having another July together. I love my girls unique personalities and am thrilled I have gotten to know them even better. For all our ups and downs I know the love and attachment is strong. Contrary to Emma's angry declaration I know I will be invited to her wedding and look forward to being her special Monkey on that day. No rush for that day though. No rush for this day to be over either.Today their laughter, their chatter, their presence fills this house and the void they will leave will be felt by Monkey and Toad ; who this year have morphed into Monkco and Grampo. The sun shines , the lake awaits and this day is ours to enjoy. For that I am thankful .

Sixty Three Diapers and other Challenges

Another quiet moment suited for blog writing. One girl still sleeping the other fed , snuggled for a bit and now watching kid's shows.Yesterday I managed to squeeze in a visit to Gladys.It had been over a month since I'd seen her last as the days of July have been busy grand parenting. As always she quickly went in to story telling mode and during my short visit I saw glimpses of a life so fully lived. A trapped mouse scurrying around the bottom of her carry on bag on her cross Canada train trip with Charlotte. And the recollection of a young relative of Eldon's visiting and complaining about how much work there was to do on the farm. After given the task of hanging the laundry Deidre came back inside declaring the fact she had just hung out sixty three diapers.I thought of Gladys washing and putting each of those diapers through the wringer on a hot summer day. I thought of the multitude of tasks and challenges faced in ninety six years of living. I thought of my own collection of experiences and hurtles faced in my almost sixty three years. Those challenges change yearly and daily. My own pile of sixty three diapers different but just as daunting by times. Yesterday's difficulty was telling my seven year old granddaughter that her beloved kitty, Wendy had had to be put down the night before,that the white kitty she asks about in every conversation with her parents would not be at home to greet her when she returns. I held her while she sobbed and felt her deep sense of loss and sorrow.She talked to her mother , called her sister, fell into her uncle's encircling arms, called her Dad, spent time with her beloved 'twin'cousin,got caught up in the White family Game Night and found her way through the first hours of her loss.This day we will welcome a quiet stay at home and do nothing day. We will swim and allow the lake to enfold us. We will rally, re-group and let the day be what we need it to be.Em says she will read a lot. I will straighten up, clean out my fridge, hang out my sixty three diapers so to speak which really just means ,I will do what needs to be done.

Running the Last Lap

The girls are still sleeping and I may be writing this entry as an avoidance tactic but here goes. Our five week marathon of grand parenting is approaching its last lap. As other years I have hit the wall, felt the exhaustion and dragged my weary self through a day hoping that a good night's sleep would energize me to keep going. As some things are easier with the girls getting older some seem more challenging. Part of my fatigue of course is my own aging body and I often experience the same depletion of energy and optimism with or without granddaughters. I am a keeper of lists to help me re-group , to see the light at the end of the tunnel , to motivate and propel me forward. So on this quiet Sunday morning I look to the last lap of the visit of Summer 2019. I look at all the blessings and rewards, the hugs , laughter and wonderful bonding and make a plan to tackle the remaining days mindful of fitting in the things that matter.We need a bonfire, a late night swim, more cousin time ,and lots more laughter.I will put aside the frustration of clutter and mess. I will try not to see the things I do not get done but concentrate on the work that is accomplished and the most important work is spending time with the girls until they leave us for another year. While I run this last lap I have a new novel percolating in my head. A possible title snuck in yesterday and we will see if it sticks. All jobs just like my writing will wait until we are ready to do them. We constantly have to evaluate what needs to be done immediately and what we can put off to another day.When the first granddaughter puts her feet on the floor this morning my most important task will be to be Monkey, to put the time we have together first and make these days count. I will of course sweep floors , do the laundry, pull some weeds and make some meals but the important work is the reading of stories, the playing of games, the jumping in the lake, the snuggling and paying attention to the wonder of these two little girls.