Home Sweet Home

Not much time to write this morning but I feel the need to take a quick reflection and jot down some thoughts before embarking on the day ahead. It is move in day. Mom will walk through the doors of what will probably be her last home on earth. She has crossed the threshold of many homes since leaving her childhood home. A little house in Lewisville, a new house built by her husband on Story Rd. , a green bungalow on Broadway, a rented home in Fredericton , another in Saint John, a renovated house on Bradley Lane and a another new house built by her husband,her son's cottage , a renovated small cottage and today's destination. I know it would serve me better if I was to not become sentimental and overly emotional. I am the daughter and I must take charge and support my Dad as this move is so huge and so difficult for him.As they approach their 70th wedding anniversary they will for the first time live under separate roofs, sleep in separate beds miles away from one another.As predicted this brings me to tears and I must for right now muster my strength and do the practical without allowing the personal to flood my brain. This new home does not take away the stories of the former homes, does not erase the woman of the house who took such pride and pleasure in each one. The woman who hosted hundreds and pre-scooped her ice cream still exists and today we find her a place of care and rest. May I step up and be what both my parents need me to be today.

After the Rain

We have gotten quite used to saying "we need rain" over the last few weeks of a very dry , sunny and hot summer. This morning I woke to the sun , cooler temperatures and puddles. Yesterday's rain was steady and gave the ground a good soaking. Sitting here this morning I think of all the petitions and prayers we make. I think of the energy we put into worrying and wanting things to be different, to be the way we want them, when we want them and how we are sometimes unable or unwilling to see the blessings we are given when they come. As people entered the market yesterday dripping wet I heard lots of grumbling indicating that the rain we so needed came at an inconvenient time or day.It is so human to want something so badly but be unhappy with the timing or the delivery of exactly what we wanted.We are struggling as a family to know the right course of action to accommodate Mom's declining health and Dad's exhaustion in caring for her. We want things to fall into place at just the right time. We flounder a bit wanting things to be the way they were. As Dad approaches his 70th wedding anniversary he feels the sorrow of what he has lost and the wife he has loved who ,because of her disease, is now so far from his grasp. He feels the pain of letting her go and giving her care over to someone else.We have prayed for this rain and now we must embrace it and be thankful for it.

The Gift of Another Day

This morning I reflect on the week that just passed. This week Fredericton became the scene of unimaginable horror. Two brave officers were gunned down and two citizens became victims of an angry and heartless gunman. The unimaginable became real and our vulnerability surfaced again. We rely on the police to come to our aid in so many circumstances. We also rely on human decency and compassion for it is the fragile line that keeps us safe from insanity and violence. Two brave officers stepped up to handle a situation and were slaughtered while doing so. It is the horror and danger of the job. The string of countless days of uneventful,challenging and rewarding shifts that end and see them safely home came violently to an end and has left two families mourning. Two victims lost their lives and leave behind loved ones. Ten children were robbed of a parent. Fredericton's peace and security was stolen and shaken to the core. So many people were affected and four people lost their lives and the gift of another day was taken from them with the bullets shot from a gun. Whatever the motive or mindset of the shooter his action violently took something from us all. We are all aware that life is fragile, that accidents and illness can take those we love and we all know how precious the gift of another day is. But when that gift is violently taken it leaves us in shock and disbelief and anger that one human being can cause such loss and misery. Let us pray for each other, carry each other and attempt to uphold the caring and compassion of a decent society.And may each one of us be truly thankful for the gift of another day.

And Now It's August

It is a quiet Friday morning. Paige had a sleepover at her great Aunt Louisa's and Em is still asleep. My head is somewhat swirling with thoughts and a bit foggy. The heat and humidity faces us again today and trips to the lake ,one very shortly and possibly alone, are in order. August is a month I embrace and these next few days I will prepare for the girl's departure while looking ahead to several social commitments and ultimately getting back to work at the end of the month. I am finding myself more frequently thinking of the book I plan to start when I return to my desk. I am looking ahead to my Italy trip in October and pondering the work I will approach there.My mother's future is on my mind.I need to take a deep breath and go from where I am right at this moment. No giving up, no giving in to doubts, fears and insecurities. Soldier on Burton always says. I see the possibilities but will take these last few days of summer with our girls as reason enough to just relax and enjoy.Our garden has not done well this year. Late planting and extremely dry weather was not a good mix . Except for my kitchen garden I have given up on it and whatever small harvest comes will be a bonus. In some ways this has been freeing. I am thankful our winter's food does not depend on the rows of vegetables we planted or it would be a very hard winter. I am so thankful for so much and it is from that mindset I look to this day and this month and all that stretches ahead. But first a dip in the lake.

Why PEI ?

We just came home from another great family trip to PEI. Last night with family we re-visited memories of previous trips trying to build a timeline and fill in details of the history of these trips. Sunday night we met and chatted with a neighboring camper who was herself from PEI and was there with her husband's family She asked the question "Why PEI?"Interesting question and it got me thinking. We could of course gather everyone together at one of our houses, bring food, play games, swim somewhere, stay up late , let the kids run and play, and spend time together. But we wouldn't. A vacation however forces you to do all those things and most of all make memories. So why PEI? Both Burton and I have childhood memories of vacations in PEI. I always point out(as Paige reminded me) the cabins we stayed in and the memory of my cousin Janet ,my brother Ken and I getting our picture taken on the small veranda in front. Burton recalls he and his siblings finding stray kittens on a beach and bringing the wild beasts home in the car with five little kids. Last night we pooled our memories and came up with years, locations and lists of those in attendance and when I got home I combed my summer journals for clarification of dates and details.The cabins we just returned from have been our choice for the last ten years with a couple of missing years for various reasons none of us were sure of. What we were sure of was the value and importance of the years we managed to pull a crew together and go to PEI.A priceless investment actually and the tourism and draw of Cavendish just a backdrop to the family time we spent watching our own children grow, our grandchildren bonding and our nieces ,nephews and great nieces and nephews interacting. Treasures like Ronnie on the roller coaster, new babies being passed around, young married couples joining the adult ranks, new family being warmly embraced,lobsters cooking,bets resulting in grown men wearing their nephew's girlfriend's hair extensions, kids growing tall enough to go on every ride by themselves,washer toss victories ,young children growing in leaps and bounds going from saying PDI to PEI and so much more.The memories of past trips and recent stories to tell gives us the anticipation of the trips we hope for in our future.And we are more than happy to travel to PEI to make that happen.

We've Hit the Midway Point

The girls have been here for three weeks which is half their visit. Looking back I see how quickly those three weeks have gone and know how fast the remaining weeks will fly by. We have had lots of fun, lots of laughter, lots of swimming and family time and lots of memories have been made. This years jokes and teasing lines have been established ( Monkey's fat knees). Bedtime has proven to be challenging and probably holds the least attraction but mornings are quiet and I get to look at two sleeping girls taking in their beauty and the wonder of their being. I get to be Monkey face to face instead of on the phone or in the words of my weekly letters to them. I am very thankful for this time together and can easily dismiss their reluctance to settle down at night. I have silent evenings the rest of the year. Yesterday Emma made an extensive list of chores she and her sister will do to earn the enjoyable activities of the next three weeks. She knows of course that those activities will happen regardless but I love that she lists the jobs such as washing eggs( a job her mother detested) as their way of earning the things Grampie and I are providing. More precious than gold comes to mind. I do once in awhile remind the girls that their presence here and all the fun things we are doing does not come cheap. But even as I list the cost of airfare, whale watching . our road trips etc. I know I would not have it any other way. I say that these six weeks are our way of condensing into a short time the things other grandparents do year round.This is what our distance apart calls us to do and here we are half way through another year of doing that. I will love to have my quiet evenings back but I will deeply miss the first hugs of morning and the presence of our girls in our home when the next three weeks come to an end.

Monkey in the Middle

I have not written a blog entry lately and am trying to fit one in tonight . I am tired. My summer days are busy and full and I do love every minute but time for reflection and time alone is at a premium these days. This morning as I hung out a line of clothes I found myself thinking that I hadn't worried about my Mom for while; a short while really but the thought caught me off guard. I am so concerned for my failing Mom , her well being and that of my Dad trying to care for her under their new circumstances.We are putting things in motion for a nursing home placement which may take a long or short time . It will be a big change and it is not something any of us would choose but life sometimes ( or always) makes choices for us. I strongly believe that we will embrace whatever lies ahead and as a family do the best with what we are given but my heart breaks with the changes. So to realize I'd not thought about it this morning made me think about the other things filling my thoughts. My two granddaughters fill our home and our summer days with love, laughter, activity and obligation. They consume my waking hours requiring lots of energy and attention.I had several things to do after hanging out the clothes, one of which was to go to the city and shop for my youngest grandchild's birthday present. We were over joyed to attend her fifth birthday party this afternoon and the house was bursting with fun and excitement, family and joy. What a gift to behold!So tonight I reflect my place in the middle. I am the daughter, the mother, the grandmother and I am thankful. I am also weary and sometimes overwhelmed.I sometimes am in disbelief that it is me in the middle when just a few short years ago , or so it seems I was the kid,the teenager, the newlywed, the young parent. But this is where today finds me and I celebrate it all. I look toward the uncertain future mourning the mother I still have but miss so deeply. I relish the ages and stages of my own children proudly taking in the adults they have become. I remember the twenty years I got to be Zac's Mom and shed tears for the future he lost. I embrace the ages and uniqueness of each of my five grandchildren.I accept my role of Monkey in the middle and after a good night's sleep I look forward to another day.