What Comes Next?

 This time of year for me has always been a very transitional time. The last weeks of August always brought a frenzy of activity ramping me up for another school year. For the last eleven years it has meant returning to my office either to a work in progress or a new project. The air changes and the slant of the sun changes and the mindset from summer to September changes as well. This year is no different with a whole lot of other things thrown in. I have some heaviness weighing on my mind that I pray will lift in the next while. I have two escapes that I am looking forward to, hoping they will be refreshing and  rejuvenating both personally and professionally. I am looking forward to returning to the Farmer's market on Saturday and meeting new and old readers.I have one book I want to re-work a bit, and two books started I hope to get back to. I have an idea percolating for another so I have lots to motivate me. I remember thinking that maybe the well would run dry and I would get to a place with no new ideas but luckily that has not happened yet. This is the twelfth fall that I get to go back to my office and full time writing. 

For that I am so grateful. Isolation will finish in two days and there are so many aspects of regular life I am looking forward to. I have felt exiled, distanced and removed from so much but have been so lucky to have my husband, my daughter, her husband and two of my grandchildren in exile with me and each day brought a plethora of gifts. Caleb and Jenna stayed on the periphery of our exile offering support and encouragement. I look forward to opening our circle to family and friends .I look forward to hugs from my other grandchildren and seeing their happy ,smiling faces. What a strange time this is with the overarching worry and anxiety of a world wide pandemic, the uncertainty of our norms and the required adaptation and adjustment. But even in all of this upheaval let us remember to be kind, to be patient and forgiving, to be families and people we can be proud of when we look back.August will bring September. Summer days will turn to fall and winter will follow. Seasons unfold and this too shall pass. 

Days of Self Isolation

 Two steps forward and how many back? I am feeling that way today as the girls and I approach our day 14 only to tack seven more days on to accommodate Burton, Megan and Cody. For the most part we are doing just fine. We are staying busy enjoying summer on the Walton Lake Road. We have been careful to stay away from people. We are partaking of daily swims but only jump in the lake when no one else is there. We have had a couple of  visitors keeping their distance and making their stops brief. We had a kind friend  drop off Chinese Food to us. Caleb and Jenna have gone to the store for us. Louisa and Roxanne have shopped for specially requested items.We did a self isolation pick up from Fullerton's market. A friend and her daughter did a Costco run for us this morning. Telephone calls and texting check ins have taken place. We are good. We are well and we are fine. But part of me wants so desperately to return to what in the last few months has become our new normal. I want to go to Reid's Point Pub. I want to visit friends. I want to go for an ice cream cone or sit  on a beach with other people. This too will end! I know that but I can't help feeling a little trapped, a bit of cabin fever. We have not  visited with Aunt Louisa for goodness sake and that doesn't seem natural. The kids haven't seen

their cousins. We are so blessed with space, food to eat  and each other. Before we know it these days will be a thing of the past. Today I hold on to that hope and dream of brighter days ahead.  

Change is as Good as a Rest

 I don't know about the wisdom of the old adage that is today's title.  There's been lots of change in the last months, weeks and days and if self isolation is a rest I guess we are having it. But I do not feel rested . On the contrary I feel on edge, worn out and weary. I know there are many factors contributing to the heaviness I am feeling and am employing all the strategies I have to work through this. I am taking advice from friends and loved ones and searching my own tool chest of resources to move through these current days. I can see that the worry and tension of Covid is a contributing factor and I realize this is universal. I also know how fortunate I am in the scheme of things. The world is suffering on so many fronts and I know my problems do not compare. I count my many blessings and will attempt to allow my blessings to overshadow my heartaches. How blessed we are to be in this place, to have the people we have in our lives and be exactly where we are  on life's journey. Mistakes , failures and missteps have occurred but we are still standing. Change brings challenge and would we really want it any other way. Or could we expect it to be any other way? Nothing easy about this thing we call life. Each new day we are given is a chance to do better, love deeper and grow stronger. The hugs, the smiles, the kind words and gestures make it all worth while and on this day I have all those things. The sun is shining and we are well. Laughter and tears go hand in hand and we have our fill of those as well. Let us not borrow the troubles of another day but embrace the day we are given. Rest,

regroup and carry on as best we can.

Be Covid Kind

This morning a greeting on a fellow author Jane Tim's blog caught my attention. So many people are ending a conversation these days with Be Safe. This global pandemic is on our minds and lips and in our psyche to be sure. But Jane's greeting spoke loudly to me this morning.  This climate of mask shaming, arrow tension, guideline confusion and continual debate regarding freedoms has us on edge to say the least.  Daily news reports fuel this deep debilitating fear and turmoil we all feel. Lock downs, talk of vaccines, government inaction as well as interference, medical advice, medical debate, conspiracy theories and death counts keep this fear roiling. Kindness does not always abound and even an angry pointing to an arrow on the floor  on ones first trip into the Wal-Mart after four months of  staying clear can leave you feeling upset and confused. Uniformed officers directing you through a processing line before allowing you to enter your home province while necessary and  responsible is off putting never the less.  I do understand the need for protocol, for guidelines and recommendations . Not being a person overly worried about germs I slowly came to take this crisis seriously and have tried to adhere to the daily ( ever fluctuating advise). I do however see holes and discrepancies in the guidelines. I will not get into the doubts I have in systems that were already hugely flawed dealing with this massive challenge. But again I return to kindness. In a world where bus drivers are beaten to death for asking passengers to wear a mask, and leaders of large countries suggest ludicrous cures and show heartless indifference we know kindness does not always rule the day. But please in families and communities and in our own hearts, step back and take a deep breath and be kind. The tag line " We are all in this together" might be getting old but I for one don't want to have to slog through this madness by myself without the love and support of the people I care about. Be well, be safe, be smart but above all for the love of God be kind!

What is a Garden?

First and foremost on this last day of July;I am home with Meg's girls.The sun is shining and despite the dog hair billowing across the floor in every room my home is pretty much as I left it.The trip to Meg's accomplished all I set out to do and today is moving van day and tomorrow they set out on their cross country adventure.Our travel day went really well and for that I am very thankful. One granddaughter is still sleeping and the other is hunkered down(she says she's cold) in my bed with her I pad. I am thankful , I am hopeful and I am where I need to be. We will undertake our fourteen days of self isolation and before we know it it will be behind us and a memory to add to our repertoire. Another memory I will process is the unfortunate garden destruction of July 30, 2020. Several foraging cows decided it was the time to break through the fence surrounding my garden and help themselves to the results of my labor.Upon hearing this news as the girls and I waited at the MacDonald take out window( by the way last night was my first time eating there in many years and will be my last) my first thought was how terrible Caleb must be feeling about it. Caleb is a hard working, well intentioned man who feels things deeply and tries his best to juggle a full time job and the huge demands of farming. He is proud and determined and I am fiercely proud of him. He is always willing to lend a hand to others and he has a very caring spirit . And he loves his mother. I know just how miserable he felt knowing he had to tell me the garden I had devoted hundreds of hours to had been invaded.Now coincidentally as I write this there is a piece on CBC about Mr. Rogers and it just so happened I watched the Tom Hanks, Mr Rogers movie on my way to Alberta . A line in the movie stuck with me and I adapted it right away when I texted Caleb back. " Gardens don't matter, people matter."Now of course I am sad to see my tall rows of corn stripped down to the ground, my lush rows of peas gone and several sunflowers laying uprooted. But it is just a garden and all my people are fine. To this mother and grandmother that is all that really matters. Life throws us disappointments and puts up roadblocks for us to navigate around.We fail, we make mistakes, we have things happen that are out of our control. The hours of hope and expectation, the time I spent in  my  quiet peaceful place of earth and sky were not in vain even if not another vegetable is harvested.I will take this defeat and find a way to get past it as I hope Caleb will. My first response was to never drop another seed or hoe another row but if I take that stance I will take away the optimism that keeps me going.In this world where suffering is bountiful, hope must be bountiful too and I will clutch on to that thank you very much.And cows like vegetables too. I will remember that when they make it to my plate.

Bookends of Blessing

In my office on this misty, grey morning I sit and reflect. I have loved the bright sunny hot summer's days of gardening, swimming and soaking up July. Another July, this one so similar but so different than previous ones. This July has it's mix of joy and sadness, victories and failures, wonder and worry. This July we work toward our departure to go out and help Meg move. We are over the moon with happiness at the prospect of having her nearby, of driving a short distance to see our girls and having them pop in for visits , sleepovers and to be available and accessible when we are needed.Other summers we have had the pleasure of their visits, of memory making and adventure, of relationship building , laughter, tears and beautiful moments in time. Those summers have gotten us to where we are right now.The seeds were planted, the attention and work done to create what we now have to look forward to.I love the seasons,the routines and gifts each month and season brings. I love the rest and regrouping summer has always provided. I love the anticipation of fall and thoughts of getting back to work. Two days ago my ninth book arrived by courier. I had been waiting to behold and hold another book created from a tiny seed of an idea I worked and crafted, word by word, step by step.I place that ninth book in the bookends beside the others. Each book,each season a tribute to the life I've been given to live. I sometimes am overwhelmed with the thought of it. I was a little girl dreaming of writing a book, being a teacher and having children. I have done those three things while trying to maintain who I am and what I believe in.Perhaps this day of reflection needs a good jolt of " just get on with it, get over yourself, make a list and get to work." Ok everyone! Everyone is Ok . We will get done what needs to get done. We will go , come back and keep living this interesting, not always easy, rewarding and frightening life.

Counting the Sleeps

Paige is keeping an accurate count of the sleeps before Monkey and Toad come and the sleeps before she leaves with me to move to New Brunswick. From the first mention of the move Paige has been totally on board.She has always been the one who was the loudest advocate for moving to NB.Her enthusiasm and cheer leading will certainly help to keep all our spirits up when the challenges and hurtles of the next few weeks threaten to overwhelm us. I look forward ,once the stress of Covid air travel is behind us, to taking each of our fourteen self isolation sleeps with my girls and then the isolation when the driving across the country people get here as a gift , a treasure and a privilege .It will be a strange but doable August doing whatever needs to be done to have our daughter and her family living nearby. Days and sleeps to get ready and days and sleeps to let the reality settle in and begin a new chapter in the White/McGaffin family story.It is deliberate, intentional upheaval and relocation which takes courage and determination and vision. For all that I am so very proud of my daughter. I know there will be dark moments of doubt and second guessing but I do believe we will all keep our wits about us for the most part. Accepting the difficult, stepping up and doing what needs to be done and holding on to the decision will see us through. Paige has put in her self isolation grocery requests. She is focusing on the lake, the bonfires, the pea picking, the growing cucumbers, the domino games, the morning snuggles and all the things the keeper of fun will provide. Family and being together will be worth all the difficulty and uncertainty ahead. In the upheaval of this crazy, frightening world we will cling to the foundation of love that family and friends offer us.So lists will be made and I will do what needs to be done on this end and welcome each sleep at the end of the next few days. The summer of 2020 will be the summer Meg made the move that has been the desire of our hearts since the day she moved to Alberta.When this chapter gets written we will read back and know just how wonderful it all was.