Just Put One Snowshoe in Front of the Other

OK here's the wisdom I procured on my snowshoe trek today. Last night I went to an author event in Fredericton with my friend Barb. Barb and I had supper at the Diplomat which is always life affirming as far as I'm concerned. I had a wonderful visit with Barb and her husband Tom . We chatted into the early morning hours while we knit on our respective projects. We talked reading and writing and much more. The event itself was held at the Fredericton Public Library and WFNB presented three of their authors Carla Gunn, Gerard Beirne and Chuck Bowie moderated by author Corey Redekop. It was well attended with lots of good discussion and writing talk. But somehow I come away from these things in a crisis of confidence. What is it about hearing other authors talk that sometimes makes us question ourselves. So in a bit of a slump I headed out on my snowshoe this afternoon and this is what I came up with as I put the effort of lifting each snowshoed foot through the deep snow in a breathtakingly beautiful forest glade. (too flowery? I don't think so) Why do we tell ourselves we're not good enough? Why is it that what someone else does always seems better. What is it we are striving for? When we make a cake do we need to believe it is the best cake ever made. When we build a house do we convince ourselves it is a house so much better than everyone else's? So when we write why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we measure our accomplishments against the backdrop of someone else's? Don't get me wrong, we need a measuring stick. But I think the best measuring stick is our own informed and evolving standards. We need to honestly approach our craft and get our motivations in order. Tell the story that you need to tell and tell it the best you possibly can , knowing that hopefully you will look at it down the road and realize with what you have learned you probably could have told it better. Are we trying to write the best book ever? Are we trying to outsell or out review all the others? Of course not. What would be enough recognition to erase our self doubts? Nothing. So accept your self doubts and get on with it.

I Have a Cover

I had four children and never had an ultra-sound to tell us before hand what we were having. Ultra-sounds were definitely not as common and not many people found out what they were having back when I was having children. I still like the surprise but I understand the excitement of finding out as well. Book # 4 is almost ready to be born. I have been talking about it but I finally (more my fussy fault than the publisher or designer )have the mock-up of the cover. So this morning I debated with myself as to whether I should share it. Hence the ultrasound analogy. Here is the reveal!

More Than Just the Snow

Is there more to talk about than the snow? The snow is certainly on everyone's minds these days. When you look out the window and see it multiply every day it becomes a focus for sure. Every day we open our doors and shovel snow just to get out the door and walk around a bit. We pretty much have to snowshoe to get anywhere on our property. The woods have been a challenge that's for sure. Yesterday I chose a route and the ten minute walk became a half hour trudge through knee deep snow( on snowshoes).Snow covers our consciousness just as it covers our landscape. In my office however in the story I am working on it is June. Gardens are growing, days are hot and surprise , my character is swimming in the Walton Lake every day. So maybe this is why I write. I am working on the sequel to Ten Thousand Truths. It is about fifteen years later. Many changes and challenges have presented themselves. A bridge has been built at Gondola Point. If you live on the peninsula the ferry / bridge debate surfaces regularly. Just the other day I saw some discussion on FB and someone made the statement 'It is time for a bridge' This has always been a subject of serious opinion sure to get people riled up. The debate these days shares space with the condition of the roads, school closures and where to put the snow. We do get caught up in the concerns of the moment. So today I tell myself to look deeply at the real blessings that surround me. The snow will melt just as most of our worries will disperse. This morning I go to my office and write the season , the story and the characters that I conjure up and I take a swim in the lake I love knowing that it waits for me under a thick blanket of ice and snow.

Another Snowy Day

What a winter wonderland ! That is how I am choosing to see it. What a lot of snow no matter how you look at it. I just came in from a snowshoe trek. It wasn't a really long one and I didn't even venture up into the woods, as being home alone I thought if I didn't make it back out no one would even know to go looking for me. I walked instead out my back door , through the anniversary garden over a drift at least four feet high and down to the basement door in hopes of convincing Biscuit to come out with me. He would have no part of it. From there(alone) I trudged past the swing set, the swings almost touching the snow , across the driveway and over the field to the far end of the garden. As I stepped in tracks that were so deep you could hardly lift your snowshoe out I thought of the hot past July days when I had stood in the same spot and pulled weeds or picked beans. I followed the fence along to the rest of that lower garden where squash had grown and we had pulled carrots. I visited the pigs in their cosy shelter and tramped down yard. I made my way up to the route and headed back to the house. I had not gone far but I had had quite an outing on a stormy day when I could not go anywhere even if I wanted to. For now I do not care that I cannot go anywhere. I have a warm and comfortable house. I have the hope of seeing the ground , the grass and everything else that now lies buried under this deep white blanket . Tomorrow, February will begin bringing us closer to many of the things we are looking forward to this spring. I have chosen the cover for The Memory Chair , previewed the interior and await the moment I hold the book in my hand. I look forward to Meg and Cody's wedding. I am anxiously awaiting my May tour days in Ontario. I also look ahead to the days when I will stand where today I made deep snowshoe tracks and again drop seeds into the rich soil when this winter offering eventually melts and the seasons change.

Look Ahead and Behind

A month ago yesterday it was Christmas day, three months ago Leonard came to stay with us, in three months it will be Meg and Cody's wedding. How quickly the months go by. I trudged through the snow up the wood road yesterday. Tomorrow, I expect the snow will get much deeper as they forecast a storm coming that may be the biggest one in the last ten years. We are always looking ahead and looking behind. Sometimes I think we spend so much time doing that that we forget to look at right now. Today amid my thoughts of what was and what will be I will look closely at this day. Burton is outside attending to Caleb's three calves and two pigs. He has his tractor running and while he waits for some repairs from last week's breakdowns he will make do . I will get to be in my office all day after writing this entry, making the bed and putting a load of laundry in. We have leftovers from last night's turkey dinner. It is January 26, 2015 and this day as we have been given it, will not return. It is exactly what it is and we are present in it just this one time. Of course it is shaped by the worries and concerns from days before and expectations and concerns of the days to come. Joys and experiences of the past have landed us here and we anticipate things we hope for in the future. Each present day is bookended by what is ahead and what was behind. Should we wonder why the time goes so fast when we just have to consider how we rush our days along to get to the things we see ahead. I love the cycle of one day. As I walk down to get my granddog in the morning I take my time and welcome the day. I try to squeeze all my chores into the first couple of hours so I get to my office by 10:00. I bring my lunch to my office and keep working watching the hours go by mindful of the gift these hours are. At 3:00 I walk, letting what I've written settle and letting ideas simmer and bubble to the top. When I get back I sometimes return to my desk jotting down the ideas that have come to me or re-reading and refining the jumbled work of the day.Then I prepare our supper meal as the sun sets and the darkness brings another flavour to the day. Contentment, comfort and rest. By the end of the day I look forward to getting into bed , reading and letting the day go, anxious to be given another one just like it if I'm lucky. So the days come with their own identity and with familiarity. Some might say boring. Not me. The gift of an ordinary day ,each day stuck between the behind and the ahead. That's how a life is lived. I stop to look at today and be thankful.

The Stuff of Dreams

January is often a month for re-evaluating. Resolutions often speak loudly to the desire to change,to improve and to take charge. One of the changes that sometimes pops up after the acquisition of things brought on by the gift giving season involves de-cluttering . Yesterday, before I went for my woods road walk I heard a discussion on CBC's Tapestry about 'stuff'. It got me to thinking and of course that thinking continued as I walked. Burton constantly jokes (he thinks it's very funny) about how much he will get for certain objects in our home when I'm gone and he has the yard sale. The woman presenting her theories about our obsession with possessions commented that acquiring stuff has it's stages. We start out with very little and concentrate on accumulating things. Then at a point in our lives we start to de-value our things and begin to get rid of stuff. I watched my parents do that a few years ago. In the process of getting rid of their home they let possessions go until they packed the most important things and moved into a much smaller space. From their life of accumulated possessions I took very little. Perhaps one of the most treasured of the handful of things I took was Mom's clothespin basket. I do look around at my stuff and despite my husband's comments I realize there are things I could let go. Some of my possessions mean more to me than others and the monetary value attached has very little to do with it. Thoughts about the stuff we surround ourselves with led me to thinking about the stuff of dreams. I have a little bag hanging on the doorknob of my office. The small panel on the bag has a star and the word DREAM stitched on the fabric. A dear friend gave me this bag. It is a possession I value because of what it says to me every time I look at it. I live my dream every time I enter this room and sit down to write. The stuff of dreams and the following of those dreams fills our lives with more meaning than any amount of possessions will ever be able to give us.

On a Cold Winter's Day

We just finished a very cold week. It is January after all but the bitter cold made my wood road walks challenging. Yesterday, however after Friday's snowfall and rising temperatures my walk was wonderful. I don't mind winter at all really. I love the contrast, the rest from garden and lawn chores and the enjoyable heat created by our wood burning cookstove and furnace. It is labour intensive and as Burton pointed out yesterday I have been very pampered since he retired last year. He definitely keeps the home fires burning. Today, I will spend my time in my sunny office enjoying another day of writing. Burton has gone to a cribbage tournament so I will have to attend to the fires. I will take another opportunity to walk the snowcovered trails that he broke out with the tractor yesterday morning, so that I can make my way all the way to the top of the hill.I will prepare a Sunday night meal for family. I will take this winter's day and enjoy it for what it has to offer.