I Can't Breathe

I woke up dizzy this morning. The room was spinning and objects would not focus. I have been taking the morning slowly allowing my head and heart to settle. Perhaps there is a physical reason for my condition or maybe it is just emotions catching up and slowing me down. My friend Sheree Fitch wrote a post about panic attacks today and I understand the panic attack and know the feeling of not being able to breath.But I do not know the terror of having that breath taken from me by force. I have George Floyd on my mind. I can not get the picture of his suffering out of my mind. I can not get the picture of the man who took his life out of my mind either.My heart breaks with the callous indifference and inhumane disregard for another human being. All any of us crave in our weakness is compassion . No compassion was shown George Floyd and that should fill each one of us with fear and shame.I felt unable to write this entry because of the fear to look this act fully in the face and realize the depth of intolerance and hatred that exists in this world. It truly makes my head spin and makes me short of breath. I am afraid, in this world of uncertainty and unspeakable acts . I do not know how to get past the fear sometimes and even though I have coping skills and ways to fill my own positive reserves sometimes those don't feel like enough. So today I will slow right down. I will look at my blossoming flowering crab, the bursting green around me the promise of rhododendron blossoms . I will look into the photographs of my five grandchildren and look into their eyes and beautiful smiles searching for the hope and beauty of this world.I will pat my dogs who rally round me . I will let my tears flow and wash over me. I will hold out for better days.I will pray for this world of ours.