Worry and Wonder

This entry came to me in the middle of the night and I should have gotten up and written it. We shall see what remains of it in the light of day. I had awoke from a dream where I was a young mother with two kids, my oldest child a girl and a younger boy. I do not remember any other details of the dream but when I woke up I laid there thinking what if I had not had Zac. He was my firstborn. I see young mothers so caught up with the wonder of their babies. It was just like that for me. He was a precious baby, a precious toddler, a delightful little boy, an amazing kid and a wonderful young man. We got to have him in our lives for twenty years. This all went through my sleepless brain and I began thinking about worry and wonder. What a mix of those two emotions is a mother's heart. I worry constantly but I do attempt to find the wonder in my life that helps me let the worry go. The wonder of a beautifully formed flower. The wonder of a sunset. The wonder of my granddaughter's smiles. The wonder of my daughter's sense of humor that keeps me laughing. The wonder of sitting across the supper table with the boy I fell in love with forty years ago. The wonder of seeing my two boys with the girls they fell in love with. The wonder of my granddogs zigzagging in excitement around our slow moving Biscuit. The wonder of my parents who still amaze me with their vitality. It was this list that I compiled as I laid awake. I could have made a worry list but I chose not to. I start this day with my focus on the wonder of the life I have been given and I will keep trying to let the worry go.