What is a Garden?

First and foremost on this last day of July;I am home with Meg's girls.The sun is shining and despite the dog hair billowing across the floor in every room my home is pretty much as I left it.The trip to Meg's accomplished all I set out to do and today is moving van day and tomorrow they set out on their cross country adventure.Our travel day went really well and for that I am very thankful. One granddaughter is still sleeping and the other is hunkered down(she says she's cold) in my bed with her I pad. I am thankful , I am hopeful and I am where I need to be. We will undertake our fourteen days of self isolation and before we know it it will be behind us and a memory to add to our repertoire. Another memory I will process is the unfortunate garden destruction of July 30, 2020. Several foraging cows decided it was the time to break through the fence surrounding my garden and help themselves to the results of my labor.Upon hearing this news as the girls and I waited at the MacDonald take out window( by the way last night was my first time eating there in many years and will be my last) my first thought was how terrible Caleb must be feeling about it. Caleb is a hard working, well intentioned man who feels things deeply and tries his best to juggle a full time job and the huge demands of farming. He is proud and determined and I am fiercely proud of him. He is always willing to lend a hand to others and he has a very caring spirit . And he loves his mother. I know just how miserable he felt knowing he had to tell me the garden I had devoted hundreds of hours to had been invaded.Now coincidentally as I write this there is a piece on CBC about Mr. Rogers and it just so happened I watched the Tom Hanks, Mr Rogers movie on my way to Alberta . A line in the movie stuck with me and I adapted it right away when I texted Caleb back. " Gardens don't matter, people matter."Now of course I am sad to see my tall rows of corn stripped down to the ground, my lush rows of peas gone and several sunflowers laying uprooted. But it is just a garden and all my people are fine. To this mother and grandmother that is all that really matters. Life throws us disappointments and puts up roadblocks for us to navigate around.We fail, we make mistakes, we have things happen that are out of our control. The hours of hope and expectation, the time I spent in  my  quiet peaceful place of earth and sky were not in vain even if not another vegetable is harvested.I will take this defeat and find a way to get past it as I hope Caleb will. My first response was to never drop another seed or hoe another row but if I take that stance I will take away the optimism that keeps me going.In this world where suffering is bountiful, hope must be bountiful too and I will clutch on to that thank you very much.And cows like vegetables too. I will remember that when they make it to my plate.

Bookends of Blessing

In my office on this misty, grey morning I sit and reflect. I have loved the bright sunny hot summer's days of gardening, swimming and soaking up July. Another July, this one so similar but so different than previous ones. This July has it's mix of joy and sadness, victories and failures, wonder and worry. This July we work toward our departure to go out and help Meg move. We are over the moon with happiness at the prospect of having her nearby, of driving a short distance to see our girls and having them pop in for visits , sleepovers and to be available and accessible when we are needed.Other summers we have had the pleasure of their visits, of memory making and adventure, of relationship building , laughter, tears and beautiful moments in time. Those summers have gotten us to where we are right now.The seeds were planted, the attention and work done to create what we now have to look forward to.I love the seasons,the routines and gifts each month and season brings. I love the rest and regrouping summer has always provided. I love the anticipation of fall and thoughts of getting back to work. Two days ago my ninth book arrived by courier. I had been waiting to behold and hold another book created from a tiny seed of an idea I worked and crafted, word by word, step by step.I place that ninth book in the bookends beside the others. Each book,each season a tribute to the life I've been given to live. I sometimes am overwhelmed with the thought of it. I was a little girl dreaming of writing a book, being a teacher and having children. I have done those three things while trying to maintain who I am and what I believe in.Perhaps this day of reflection needs a good jolt of " just get on with it, get over yourself, make a list and get to work." Ok everyone! Everyone is Ok . We will get done what needs to get done. We will go , come back and keep living this interesting, not always easy, rewarding and frightening life.

Counting the Sleeps

Paige is keeping an accurate count of the sleeps before Monkey and Toad come and the sleeps before she leaves with me to move to New Brunswick. From the first mention of the move Paige has been totally on board.She has always been the one who was the loudest advocate for moving to NB.Her enthusiasm and cheer leading will certainly help to keep all our spirits up when the challenges and hurtles of the next few weeks threaten to overwhelm us. I look forward ,once the stress of Covid air travel is behind us, to taking each of our fourteen self isolation sleeps with my girls and then the isolation when the driving across the country people get here as a gift , a treasure and a privilege .It will be a strange but doable August doing whatever needs to be done to have our daughter and her family living nearby. Days and sleeps to get ready and days and sleeps to let the reality settle in and begin a new chapter in the White/McGaffin family story.It is deliberate, intentional upheaval and relocation which takes courage and determination and vision. For all that I am so very proud of my daughter. I know there will be dark moments of doubt and second guessing but I do believe we will all keep our wits about us for the most part. Accepting the difficult, stepping up and doing what needs to be done and holding on to the decision will see us through. Paige has put in her self isolation grocery requests. She is focusing on the lake, the bonfires, the pea picking, the growing cucumbers, the domino games, the morning snuggles and all the things the keeper of fun will provide. Family and being together will be worth all the difficulty and uncertainty ahead. In the upheaval of this crazy, frightening world we will cling to the foundation of love that family and friends offer us.So lists will be made and I will do what needs to be done on this end and welcome each sleep at the end of the next few days. The summer of 2020 will be the summer Meg made the move that has been the desire of our hearts since the day she moved to Alberta.When this chapter gets written we will read back and know just how wonderful it all was.

Double Digits of July

Slow down you're moving too fast, got to make this moment last... How come the months go by so fast? How come on the first of each month we are already anticipating the end of the month? Summer days are supposed to drag by. Yesterday I spent some time relaxing in my hammock just feeling the warm sun and the gentle breeze. I had spent the previous couple of hours toiling in the garden. I had gone to the lake and jumped in the refreshing water then sat on the shore enjoying my grandkids. Earlier in the day I had balked at a reporter on CBC making reference to the end of July as if it was already upon us. "We are still in the single digits" I replied out loud as if she could hear me. Don't rush this month. Now I am very excited about what the end of this month will bring. Our long awaited dream of having our daughter and our granddaughters move back to NB is happening. An adventure of huge proportions will unfold and step by step or kilometre by kilometre both driving and flying will take place to make that happen. But I need the slow days of July to get my strength up . I need to allow these days to fill me with hope, courage, wisdom, and stamina to face the task ahead. Amid the world's turmoil and uncertainty we are stepping off the ledge believing solid ground waits below.So this morning as I head to the garden I acknowledge that we are now in the double digits. Three weeks from today the girls and I will be waking up here to the unfolding of fourteen days of isolation awaiting those driving across the country and the weeks of settling in to take place. July will have come to an end and August will be waiting to scurry by.One day at a time is how its done but the real challenge is to receive each day without letting the worry of the days to come overwhelm us.Let's see how I do with that today.

A Day of Rain

Puddles! What a wonderful sight as I look out the raindrop covered skylight this morning. Yesterday I finished the last weed filled row in the garden and all the plants stood ready for the gentle rain to soak into the dry and dusty soil.I can almost see the corn and sunflowers growing in front of my eyes. I will take this wet day as a reprieve and a rest from the toil of maintaining my huge garden. I will return and there will be weeds to pull and rows to hoe. That is what I love to do on these summer days. Garden work and lake swims have replaced my wood road walks and I don't think my dogs are too happy about that. Disco still looses his mind when he sees me putting socks on and getting my sneakers. He barks his "we're going for our walk " bark until he realizes I am just going to the garden.This morning I thought of the walks I took with Dad last spring. Memories of those walks fill me with joy and sadness and so much thankfulness that we took the time to take those walks together. Very quickly the mobility that was improving in April deteriorated by mid July. He said it was as if he woke up an old man one day.I hear interviews of people who can not get in to care for their loved ones who are alone in special care homes during this Covid time and am so thankful Mom , Dad and Gladys did not have to go through this difficult time.On this rainy day I will regroup. I will clean and make lists of the tasks I must tackle this month. This month is a month of planning and anticipating our daughter's move. It is different than the summers before when I cared for Mom and Dad and made memories with Paige and Emma. But in some ways it is exactly the same. It is being present, putting effort into family and future. It is weeding and hoeing the garden that is life. It is taking the sunshine along with the showers. It is hope and optimism and reality. It is adaptation and acceptance. It is love, loyalty and good hard work believing in the bounty of the harvest.